haleohulamama

Looking Into You (As Always)

2010-09-17T01:11:00.003-10:00

You know how when you are driving in your car early in the morning they play Birthday Requests? Well, I'm not in my car, in fact it's just a little over an hour into my birthday. I don't know what I'm going to do yet. The birthday check my father sent me I used yesterday to get my hair done. Its the best hair look I've had since Summer Blonde came on the market. I have long hair (my own) down my back, side bangs and big copper chunks. I'm ready for a great day!

And for my birthday, this would be my request for my favorite song, so here again is my favorite post.

My daughter is a photographer. She has always had an eye for a good picture, even before she went to college and graduated with a degree in Photography. These are some of her photographs that I find just stunning. I put these together with what is probably my most favorite song ever.

Well I looked into a house I once lived in
Around the time I first went on my own
When the roads were as many as the places I had dreamed of
And my friends and I were one
Now the distance is done and the search has begun
I've come to see where my beginnings have gone

Oh the walls and the windows were still standing
And the music could be heard at the door
Where the people who kindly endured my odd questions
Asked if I came very far
And when my silence replied they took me inside
Where their children sat playing on the floor

Well we spoke of the changes that would find us farther on
And it left me so warm and so high
But as I stepped back outside to the grey morning sun
I heard that highway whisper and sigh
Are you ready to fly?

And I looked into the faces all passing by
Its an ocean that will never be filled
And the house that grows older and finally crumbles
That even love cannot rebuild
Its a hotel at best, you're here as a guest
You oughta make yourself at home while you're waiting for the rest

Well I looked into dream of the millions
That one day the search will be through
Now here I stand at the edge of my embattled illusions
Looking into you

The great song traveler passed through here
And he opened my eyes to the view
And I was among those who called him a prophet
And I asked him what was true
Until the distance had shown how the road remains alone
Now I'm looking in my life for a truth that is my own

Well I looked into the sky for my anthem
And the words and the music came through
But words and music will never touch the beauty that I've seen
Looking into you -- and that's true

Lyrics - Jackson Browne

Photos by my daughter Heather

High Places

2010-09-03T14:17:00.002-10:00

How is it that Danny Hamada back when he was a principal could get away with shoving a kid in a trash can head first because he annoyed him. How is it that Danny Hamada when as the district superintendent was sanctioned by the Labor Board for not reprimanding a principal who humiliated and lied about a teacher in front of students and faculty; how is it that NOW that piece of shit, Danny Hamada, is the principal of my daughter's high school. How can that even happen?

What's wrong with this picture?

How is it that that evil bitch Debbie Lindsey is still stuck on our shoes like cat shit, never relenting, and now my husband's grandchildren attend the school where she is principal? How could 2 more worthless and undeserving people be in charge of schools? I mean...Debbie...are you sure you have time to keep track of those little guys? I mean, it looks to me like you could really use some help fertilizing your crops in FarmVille! (They are a bit on the puny side because they haven't been fertilized yet) You're full of shit - just use some of that for you CROPS.

This tune couldn't be dedicated to 2 more deserving people. Debbie Lindsey and Danny Hamada, there is a special place in the bowels of hell for both of you.

The advantage of being in high places
Is that you never have to look up

The advantage of being in high places
Is that you never have to look up

And you feel like a big shot
It makes you feel like a big shot
It makes you feel like a big shot
Makes you feel like a real big shot

The advantage of being in high places
Is that people look so small

The advantage of being in high places
Is that people look so small

And you feel like a big shot
It makes you feel like a big shot
It makes you feel like a big shot
Makes you feel like a real big shot

The trouble with being in high places
Is when you fall it's a long way down

The trouble with being in high places
Is when you fall it's a long way down

The trouble with being in high places
The trouble with being in high places
The trouble with being in high places

The trouble with being in high places
Is when you're down nobody picks you up

The trouble with being in high places
Is when you're down nobody picks you up

Cuz you acted like a big shot
So what happened to the big shot
So what happened to the big shot
You thunk you were a real big shot

The trouble with being in high places
The trouble with being in high places
The trouble with being in high places
The trouble with being in high places

Song by Los Lobos (how perfect - WOLVES)

Eat, Pray, Vomit

2010-08-22T13:33:00.010-10:00

I swear if I hear the name of that book/movie one more time I will do just that - VOMIT. I haven't even read the book or seen the movie and I don't like it. But its everywhere. They even had a whole day devoted to it on one of the Home Shopping Channels. I see jewelry made out of it at craft shows.

This stupid movie that is everywhere I turn. How bout a love story? Chick Flick = Hope Floats. Chick Flick = Jerry Maguire, etc. What is with this name for this thing. It's basically just a limp regurgitation of Sex Drugs and Rock n Roll. Which in my opinion is so much more exciting! At least there is music!

Still like that old time rock'n' roll
That kind of music just soothes the soul

I reminisce about the days of old
With that old time rock 'n' roll
Won't go to hear them play a tango
I'd rather hear some blues or funky old soul
There's only one sure way to get me to go
Start playing old time rock 'n' roll
Call me a relic, call me what you will
Say I'm old-fashioned, say I'm over the hill
Today's music ain't got the same soul
I like that old time rock 'n' roll

Songwriters George Jackson, Thomas Jones

Ain't Nobody's Business ( If I Do)

2010-08-13T02:08:00.006-10:00

I'm not going to write a big long blog about this, because these folks that run this shady Internet business at peoplefinders.com are not worth the room in my brain they are taking up.

I do want to point out, though, that if you are ripped off, report it everywhere - your bank, on every Internet site you can find, and don't forget about the Better Business Bureau. Hooray for the Better Business Bureau in Sacramento who took my report and forwarded it to this creepy company. They sent back a long rambling letter telling us how stupid we were for not noticing the little box that constituted an electronic signature. You know, the kind of letter I just hate to get telling me how wrong I am for 3 paragraphs and then one sentence telling me I am being refunded my full amount as an accommodation. Suffice to say that was hardly accommodating considering what they put us through and how nasty they can get. So, just don't forget that the Better Business Bureau CAN get you your money back, if you report it right away.

OK..I'm done with this business. Don't bother to respond to this, peoplefinder management, I won't post any more of your bullshit. You stay OUT of my business and you can bet I'll most definitely stay away from yours.

There ain't nothing I can do
Or nothing I can say
That folks don't criticize me
But I'm going to do
Just as I want to anyway
And don't care just what people say

If I should take a notion
To jump into the ocean
Ain't nobody's business if I do

If I go to church on Sunday
Then cabaret all day Monday
Ain't nobody's business if I do

Bessie Smith's accompanist, Porter Grainger, wrote this in 1920s

Chain of Fools

2010-08-06T11:58:00.005-10:00

Oh my. This will be of interest to few, although I believe a certain reader will find it amusing in a sick way.

Mr Yuen is retiring. Its for real this time. And you know who is going to take the position? That dumb shit former Superintendent Danny Hamada. That's right, my daughter has to go to school for 3 years, with that nitwit for a principal. I suppose it could have been worse - they could have sent Awohi over from the middle school who actually has some brains but they are in his ass.

Of course, I've actually never seen them, its just my opinion, ya know, that I think he walks like he is squeezing his ass checks together to keep his brains from falling out......

Chain, chain, chain, chain, chain, chain
Chain, chain, chain, chain of fools
Five long years I thought you were my man
But I found out I'm just a link in your chain
You got me where you want me
I ain't nothing but your fool
You treated me mean oh you treated me cruel
Chain, chain, chain, chain of fools

Every chain has got a weak link
I might be weak child, but I'll give you strength
You told me to leave you alone
My father said come on home
My doctor said take it easy
Whole bunch of lovin is much too strong
I'm added to your chain, chain, chain
Chain, chain, chain, chain,
Chain, chain of fools

One of these mornings the chain is gonna break
But up until then, yeah, I'm gonna take all I can take
Chain, chain, chain, chain, chain, chain
Chain, chain, chain, chain of fools

Songwriter Don Covay
My fav by Aretha, 2nd best by The Commitments

Fool

2010-08-05T13:11:00.008-10:00

Kiwanas Club of Kauai (and Maui) are running a sham talent show they call Shower of Stars Talent Competition. They charge a non refunded fee to enter. Which, in and of itself is a somewhat reasonable fee to process the application...you know, like writing the name down on a list. Ten Dollars a name - that's reasonable right? No of course it isn't, but they are in the business of making money - oh, sorry, no that's not it, they are in the business of giving away money. I guess it's other people's money. Like the entry fee. They collect it from everyone then only pick half a dozen to compete, and then only give out prizes to 3.

That might all seem reasonable IF the people they actually chose HAD TALENT. Listen to this - it is one of the rules - if you get into the main competition you will be issued tickets for you to sell. It is not a requirement for you to sell tickets, but for every ticket you sell, you will receive 1/2 point added to your score with a maximum of 20 points.

Is selling tickets a talent? Well who knows. After all, Karaoke is a talent, as well as twirling hula hoops. Originality is mentioned as one of the judging points. Those are both original, right? I mean, just because someone wrote lyrics and music and performed perfectly, why should that matter, I mean, after all, not many people can hula hoop - right?

That idiot at Shower of Stars. I called him and told him that the competition was a sham this year - worse than last year. The guy asked me what I wanted him to do about it. I said other than maybe get his hearing aid fixed, he could send me my money back. Then he gave me a big bull shit line about how its non refundable, and its not based on ticket sales, etc. I said OK, fine, I'll pass the word along - he's from Maui, they think they are hot shit over there anyhow.

Well, next day I got refund in the mail. Nice of him...

You know, if there is ONE thing I can't stand, I absolutely can NOT stand, its a refund with a LECTURE.

And I bet his wife did it. It is 3 pages of rules with arrows, underlines and CAPS saying TAKE NOTE. How crass. If you are going to issue a refund, just send it, and if you want to show you mean well - say Sorry for the misunderstanding. Moron!

What ARE Kiwanas anyhow? They sound like those stupid little birds that walk up to my cat's bowl while she is sitting there and she eats them for snack.....there is a reason some species are endangered or extinct....

You fool!

Tell me lies
slap me on the face
just improvise
do something
really clever
that'll make me hate
your name forever

Shakira

On my Shit List:
1.Peoplefinder.com
2.Kiwanas Shower of Stars
3.Debbie Lindsey (bitch forever!)

Pony

2010-08-02T14:50:00.004-10:00

The Shower of Stars is officially a DOG and PONY show!

Fourteen different acts in the 0 to 18 year group. Eight were put through. Somehow, my daughter and two other extremely talented performing acts were ignored over 4 year old fat kids that sang out of tune and forgot the words, and cutesy little girls that twirled hula hoops. THAT's a show of stars, I guarantee it!

Give those STARS a scholarship! That's what the idiot who runs this thing told me...he said its not really a "talent" show...its a show to give scholarships. So that might explain why two years in a row now they have chosen people who HAVE NO TALENT.

OK...other than that things are still real good! Oh..maybe except that someone ran our mail box into the ground - which is really hard to understand, cause its right next to the one next door which is still standing. (If I didn't know other wise, I would swear someone used a chainsaw on it at ground level...) School starts tomorrow and that's good. And my daughter doesn't have to practice for that stupid star shower. What a dumb name for a Dog and Pony Show.

I've seen it all boys
I've been all over
Been everywhere in the
Whole wide world
I rode the high line
With old blind Darby
I danced real slow
With Ida Jane

I was full of wonder
When I left Murfreesboro
Now I am full of hollow
On Maxwell street...
And I hope my Pony
I hope my Pony
I hope my Pony
Knows the way back home

Tom Waitts

Put Your Records On

2010-07-30T01:19:00.003-10:00

Things are good good good! I can't wait to give more details, but you'll just have to be patient, like me......

In the mean time, my daughter is trying out again for Shower of Stars. I hope she and her band make it. They sound so good! She's got a sore throat that I hope goes away. I have some honey cough drops that she is welcome to, I think they might help! And, the added bonus if they do pass the preliminary, is....... she might even start being nice to me!

As Randy Newman says:
I even love
My teenage daughter
There's no accounting for it
Apparently I don't care
How I'm treated
My love is unconditional
Or something

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blue as the sky, sunburnt and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the roadside,
(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you,
Got to love that afro hair do.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

'Twas more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realize, that you don't even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Oh, you're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

Corinne Bailey Rae - Singer/Songwriter

Bad To The Bone

2010-07-29T01:35:00.015-10:00

*See update at bottom.

What is Peoplefinders.com? They claim to be a legitimate company but they trick people into accidentally signing up for a $24.95/mo service when they think they are paying 95 cents for a phone number. They argue with you and point out how stupid you must be if you could not see the FINE PRINT, and they will not refund your money even if you are able to get them to answer the phone the same day the $24.95 shows up. What kind of company can pride themselves on obtaining members by tricking them into joining. They send no receipt, no email verification, no account number or another kind of notification that you have just signed up to be forever charged $24.95 a month. You only get a receipt for the 95 cents, what a disgrace.

This NASTY company tells you they are sorry you feel that way but there is no one here to give a refund. They sent 3 emails in one day saying the same cut and paste stuff, yet never ever sent a previous statement, invoice, or receipt for the $24.95 they stole. Unbelievable they are allowed to do what they do. It is like if you dropped a $100 bill and they picked it up and said sorry, I got it first. Just plain crooks, as my grandmother used to say...

Even though the bank is disputing this, Peoplefinders say that by checking or actually not UNchecking THE BOX shows proof of your electronic signature. Anyhow, since we will probably not get the money back, I decided to get my money's worth and just annoy them by repeat calls for 2 hours. Then we started getting emails:

On Wed, 7/28/10, Customer Care (PeopleFinders.com) wrote:

From: Customer Care (PeopleFinders.com)
Subject: Membership
Date: Wednesday, July 28, 2010, 11:33 AM

Our records indicate that you have contacted us several times today regarding your membership fee of 24.95. We have informed you each time how this charge was incurred and that we are unable to refund fees for our services. Below is a detailed description of your purchase on our website. You will see that our website was extremely clear in indicating that you were signing up for a 7 day trial to our 3-in-1 Membership. Please review the below information closely. This email is intended to clear up any misunderstanding you may have had when using our website. Thank you

Best Regards,
Management
Customer Care @Peoplefinder.com
(800)718-8997

And we wrote back:

Dear Management at "Customer Care,"

Yes, best regards to you, too, and good luck to you in finding new and creative ways to meet the minimum legal standards of fair trade via the Internet. The same practices would probably be subject to sanction and prosecution if employed anywhere but on the Web. You seem to have marketing researchers, developers, site designers, and webmasters who are masterful at using their expertise to create a situation in which well-intentioned, innocent, and---well, you wouldn't know or care if they were indigent, retarded, Alzheimer's afflicted or otherwise demented, but they're all possibilities, people seeking a one-time service are lured into "membership." Once you've done so, notices, receipts, confirmations, and all correspondence fall far short of what is considered standard among reputable businesses or entities, large or small, doing commerce on the Web. Everyone in your employ that I've encountered is either naturally or trained-to-be smug about these facts, and convinced that ending service when the customer requests, but after you've charged them for their unintentional 1st months' membership fees, makes your practices and business in general not only fair and equitable, but somehow virtuous as you provide your "important services".

Hey, this wasn't created by the guy from "Girls Gone Wild" was it? No, excuse me, his products deliver what they say they will for the price they say they will.

Sincerely,
Joe Mama

p.s. I truly hope that everyone who works there has something better to do than to respond to this e-mail. Please do not waste your or my time. Maybe the legal department which I was told exists at your company, but is inaccessible, can chase after the words of this e-mail being published on the Internet. Issue a "cease and desist." Or, less expensive, have someone in "Customer Care" write a rebuttal.

If thine enemy offend thee, give his child a drum.
--Chinese Curse

So, now they have a curse on them! :-)

UPDATE - I guess they couldn't resist this part from above: I truly hope that everyone who works there has something better to do than to respond to this e-mail Please do not waste your or my time. .... Or, ... have someone in "Customer Care" write a rebuttal, because they took the bait.

Anonymous said...

Dear Joe Mama,

As stated in our voice-contact disclaimer, phone calls to our customer service are digitally recoreded in order to provide better and more responsive service to you. A review of your voice correspondence to our customer representatives indicates an extremely unprofessional and demeaning manner on your part. We are actually amazed that our representatives handled your calls with as much courtesy and grace as they did. We have commended them for their restraint and professional approach in dealing with your phone calls. Allow us to make a suggestion: in the future, you would perhaps enounter results much more to your liking if you treated those with whom you interact with a modicum of respect and decency. Just a suggestion.

Peoplefinders.com
"find anyone, anywhere"
July 29, 2010 7:44 AM

I'm sorry your digital recording - allow me to suggest you check your spelling on "recoreded" - of my voice sounded extremely unprofessional to you. I don't find it necessary to be professional when I was just robbed, no matter how overly sugary sweet sounding your so called customer care representatives say to me they are so sorry I feel that way and there is no one there to give you a refund. This just proves every thing we have already said. You are in business to trick people into stealing their money. And I would not have encountered - by the way - go back to 3rd grade and retake that spelling test, OR learn to use spell check - a different result to my liking as I was told, period, you have never given a refund to anyone, ever.

This is what my $24.95 went for? Some no life person writing a comment at 4:44 am in the morning your time? How does that make you feel at the end of the day, knowing you have cheated people. That's what you did, you scammed us. No amount of sugar coated words or professional talk would have changed the result.

I must add, though, that while I may have been annoying - I was a mere gnat in their ear. They never heard one swear word, nor anything derogatory. Only my complete and utter disbelief that a company could be so heartless and at the same time so confident and, you're right, CHEERFUL, in their ability to cheat people.

There is such a thing as manners. A way of treating people... These fish have manners! They have manners. In fact. They're coming with me!
-Jerry Maguire

Bad to the bone
Bad to the bone
B-B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-B-Bad
Bad to the bone

George Thorogood put this out on his 1982 album. I don't know who wrote it, seems it can be traced back to Bo Didley and Muddy Waters.

What if God Was One of Us

2010-07-26T13:31:00.010-10:00

Today we have a quiz .... less you be fooled by the Devil herself.

Match these images with the proper title. Put the number by the image you think is correct.

1. Queen of England
2. Queen of Hearts
3. Queen of Cat Shit
4. God

If God had a name what would it be?
And would you call it to his face?
If you were faced with him
In all his glory
What would you ask if you had just one question?

And yeah, yeah, God he is great
Yeah, yeah, God he is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah

What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home

If God had a face what would it look like?
And would you wanna to see
If seeing meant that
you would have to believe
in things like heaven and in Jesus and the saints
and all the prophets

And yeah, yeah, God he is great
Yeah, yeah, God he is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah

What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home

Just trying to make his way home
Like a holy rolling stone
Back up to heaven all alone
Just trying to make his way home
Nobody calling on the phone
except the Pope maybe in Rome.

Evil Woman

2010-07-25T17:04:00.004-10:00

Debbie Lindsey Principal of Koloa School you evil bitch! You are like cat shit stuck to the bottom of my slipper for 3 years. You are the most vindictive, conniving, scheming, nasty, heartless, smelly excuse for a woman on this earth. You BITCH!

I am so sick of you still entangled in our life. Why don't you go back to the slimy rock you crawled out from under. Just who do you think you are? And who made you GOD?

Evil woman, evil woman
Evil woman, evil woman

Rolled in from another town
Hit some gold, too hot to settle down
But a fool and his money soon go separate ways
And you found a fool lyin' in a daze
Ha ha woman
What you gonna do
You destroyed all the virtues that the Lord gave you
It's so good that you're feelin' pain
But you better get your face board the very next train

Evil woman, evil woman
Evil woman, evil woman

Evil woman how you done me wrong
But now you're to wail a different song
Ha, ha funny how you broke me up
You made the wine now you drink a cup

ELO

You don't even deserve this song, you BITCH. This is a reasonably good song. You're not resonable and you are definitely NO GOOD.

Fields Of Gold

2010-07-21T11:45:00.004-10:00

When I was a child, my grandfather, Papa, always seemed to have something up his sleeve for us. It was almost like he had ideas and stories stored away for days when things didn't go quite right, or what we wanted to do we weren't able to do.

We spent the weekends in Capitola at the beach house on Depot Hill. A small long house, you could roll a bowling ball from one end to the other without hitting anything. Maybe we had made plans to go to the Boardwalk but then that didn't work out. Papa used to get this little grin on his face, and put his tongue right behind his closed mouth like he had a secret. And then he used to say, lets go pick poppies. He would then instruct us on how we had to do it, be fast, pick only the full blossoms and get back into the car and off we went.

I don't remember exactly where we went, but there were huge fields of wild California Poppies within a 1/2 hour of the beach house. We would run in with piles of the pretty flowers, only to have Nana yell at Papa that we could all get arrested for picking them.

I just remember it was so much fun, and was a such a simple thing that made a long lasting wonderful memory. And it made a boring day into golden picture in my mind.

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Among the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold

So she took her love for to gaze awhile
Among the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
And you can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We will walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We will walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
As you lie in fields of gold

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Among the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold

Sting

Sad Song

2010-07-20T08:16:00.005-10:00

It is raining. It rained yesterday too. It feels as though the mothers on this island are all crying. My daughter left to the southside with her step sister after lunch. I'll miss her, but I know she is safe.

Every year this happens. Some beautiful, bright, intelligent, young person is a casualty of the poor roads here, poor judgment and inexperienced driving. And such is so again.

http://thegardenisland.com/news/local/article_91be7dfe-93cd-11df-aefd-001cc4c002e0.html

I don't personally know the young woman, who just turned 19. My younger daughter first brought it to my attention on Sunday morning saying there was a post on her friends page who is the best friend of the 15 year old sister. Since it had not publicly been announced, my daughter thought it was very upsetting for someone to post R.I.P. when "all" that had been announced was that she was airvaced to Queens. But it didn't take long it to be sadly true.

Look at the last wall post:
Jessie Monroe Tell the cats at smokey and the bandit that im south bound and down good buddy
Saturday at 9:24pm via Mobile Web

Then look back at that article to see that just 4 hours later she was killed. I just turned on the computer a few minutes ago, checked my email and also the GardenIsland, then looked to see what might be posted. I saw this:
Julie Robbins-Monroe
Came home from seeing Rent and saw this message that night. I was going to post "be careful" to you but stopped myself because you had asked me not to post those "mom messages" on your wall.
I think of that flash of fear you must have had in that moment & it grips my heart. I was supposed to keep you safe.
Holding you when you let go, telling you it was ok. My mom message to you.
My heart, my Jessie, I love you
about an hour ago

We so much want to protect our daughters. We want to hug them whether they think we're a dork or interfering or embarrassing them, we just want to keep them close to us. They are a part of us, they were inside us from the beginning and connected. And it is so hard to let go. My heart breaks for this mother. All the other mothers here are in a state of shock still today. I don't know the mother personally, but I know several people she knows, all with children in the same age bracket.

Her younger daughter's page is particularly eerie. At about the same time as the accident, the younger daughter made a happy post about just seeing Rent. And then, dozens and dozens of condolences. I'm really not one for a sad song. But this one has really knocked me down. People are talking about it at the grocery store, which is practically across the street. There are flowers all along the roadside, right by the Market Place.

I don't have a song yet, and maybe I won't. It is raining too loud right now to try to listen to music.

.....Maybe a line from John Mayer....
Mothers be good to your daughters too.

Billionaire

2010-07-17T08:03:00.009-10:00

Where am I? Did I switch social networking sites? HUH?

Ok, so for all my blog fans who send me dumb comments asking if I fell off the earth, NO, I didn't, and I didn't desert my blog. I just haven't had anything I wanted to write. That doesn't mean there isn't stuff I can write about. In fact there is too much.

I'm resisting my urge to write about all the shit that's going on. I have a different site that I refuse to let myself post anything other than pleasant stuff. I don't spend much time there, because frankly, I have not caught on to what is so appealing about it. I don't care how many friends I have. If anything its quality of friends that matter. Some very happy to see me people have contacted me. The majority of then are men though. I suppose I could read something into that, but then I would be like all the opposite sex that are not contacting me..... making projections.

I could give a rat's ass. I can't keep up with it any how. Oh and for those correcting my grammar, I actually COULD literally give a rat's ass, in fact a whole rat. My cat had one left for me on the door mat the other morning. It was bigger than her. And she must have caught it the night before because it was so stiff that I couldn't even bend the tail to get it into the paper bag that I was then putting into another container to get rid of it.

I figured out a few things on that other site, mainly that have to do with my new computer. Ubunto Linux was working on a fix for the Photo Album which finally went into place. And I also figured out how to upload videos from this computer. And speaking of THIS computer, which I was, I love it! It is so easy, and it never asks you a dozen times if you are sure you want to do something. Only issue, you know, those things that used to be called problems, is trying to get my turn. Everyone wants to use it. We need a couple more!

This Billionaire song, my daughter sings it, everyone seems to be singing it every place I go. Guess they all want to be a billionaire. I don't. I wouldn't mind being a Ten Thousand Dollaraire. We might be there if it wasn't for self righteous Mormons and Catholics. At least Mormons wear ties and we can spot them. Who would know the latter wear mini skirts and sit with their punani in view. Deceitful snakes they are. Smile while they screw you. Work your ass off for them, while all the while they are trying to figure out a way to take money AWAY from you. Isn't lying by deceit a sin? Like a venial. Hmm.. According to Roman Catholicism, a venial sin (meaning "forgivable" sin) is a lesser sin that does not result in a complete separation from God and eternal damnation in Hell. A venial sin involves a "partial loss of grace" from God. It is also said that venial sin is commanded by God. So, its ok to then, if you know that your venial sin causes someone hunger and homelessness, because GOD told you to do it?

OK...I think I better have a cup of coffee and put on Bach Cello Concertos....

The song:
Its a catchy tune that I don't really like the words too, that is, the ones I can understand. I don't care to know them all and don't give a shit who wrote it.

Tunnel of Love

2010-07-09T12:50:00.006-10:00

So, today is my Dad's 83rd Birthday. I called at 3 pm his time. He put me on the speaker phone and some woman who talked about 25 times more than my mother EVER did, just started yakking away. Telling me how much my Dad loves her .... this last month .... etc.

Now...I think its fine, that at 83 years old, he is having a good time. But I really just wanted to talk to HIM, on his birthday. It ended up with me listening to her tell me all about how she is going to change his hat and oh I don't remember, she talked so fast I couldn't keep up.

She said she has been there ALL day and I was a good daughter for calling - which I didn't need her to tell me...I KNOW THAT. And that neither of my brothers had shown up. Like THAT's a surprise? Gee wiz, one is a workaholic and the other is a hermit in hiding, or something. Anyhow, I couldn't hear my dad she was talking so loud, that after 1/2 hour I said I had to go. Never the less, I do hope he has a happy day. Now - where is the tissue?

She took off a silver locket she said remember me by this
She put her hand in my pocket, I got a keepsake and a kiss
And in the roar of dust and diesel I stood and watched her walk away
I could have caught up with her easy enough but something must have made me stay

And the big wheel keep on turning, neon burning up above
And I'm just high on this world
Come on and take a low ride with me girl
On the tunnel of love, yeah love love
On the tunnel of love, oooh love love

And now I'm searching through these carousels and the carnival arcades
Searching everywhere from steeplechase to palisades
In any shooting gallery where promises are made
To rockaway, rockaway, rockaway, rockaway
From Cullercoats and Whitley Bay out to rockaway

And girl it looks so pretty to me like it always did
Like the Spanish City to me when we were kids
Girl it looks so pretty to me like it always did
Like the Spanish City to me when we were kids

Dire Straights

Motherland

2010-06-30T18:43:00.009-10:00

Well, for obvious reasons, I didn't write a blog yesterday, June 29th. And if you don't know the obvious reasons, its just as well.

I went in the kitchen for water earlier today, and something white outside the back window caught the side of my vision. I turned to see a full bloomed gardenia. The plants finished blooming 3 weeks ago. I don't remember it this morning - I would have at least seen the bud. I then looked up at the clock on the stove - it was 1:11. Ahh, hello Mother ♥

My gardenia, right out there where my cat lays most of the day. She loves the smell of them, I can see her lifting her head and sniffing and then laying back down. She's a good cat. She hates the broom, even through the window.

My cousin just added her painting of a cat to her on-line artists community collection. This painting is so gorgeous it almost looks real. It is so pretty. Don't you just want to pick this cat up and cuddle with it?

I've used this song before, I like it. But I won't put all the lyrics this time.

Oh Motherland cradle me, close my eyes, lullaby me to sleep.
Keep me safe, lie with me, stay beside me don't go.
It's your happiness I want most of all and for that I'd do anything at all, oh mercy me!
If you want the best of it or the most of all, if there's anything I can do at all.

Oh Motherland cradle me, close my eyes, lullaby me to sleep.
Keep me safe, lie with me, stay beside me don't go, don't go.
Motherland cradle me, close my eyes, lullaby me to sleep.
Keep me safe, lie with me, stay beside me don't go.
Don't go.

Natalie Merchant

Your Face

2010-06-28T16:20:00.004-10:00

Oh my, I am not socially savvy. Or at least not social networking savvy. Never the less, I have been enjoying being in contact with my cousin and also seeing all her beautiful artwork. Just look at this, is this stunning? Gosh all the time she and I spent time at that beach when we were kids!

I just love being able to see all her art work. Every day now since she retired last week after 30 years at UC Santa Cruz Library - what a job, working in the redwood trees in the library, no wonder she is so laid back - anyhow, she's been posting more and more of her paintings on line. Of course I am liking them all and commenting on many, as they are visions from our past.

And a few other people have left me comments and I have left one back, and pretty soon, I don't know how this happens, but I am getting email notices that someone I don't even know posted a comment to someone else I don't even know who before that posted a comment after me to someone I DO know.

My daughter thought it would be cool for me to have my own, uh, whatever its called. And she gave me some of her friends. And they seem to have a keyboard attached at the waist. So, the end result is that I'm seeing stuff from people who know people, and so on and so forth before I launch into THAT song.

If I really cared that much, I'd spend more time seeing if I could figure out how to turn off that email notification thing. But I care as much about that as I do for Taylor Swift. I really do not like this song, but its the first FACE song that came up when I was looking for lyrics.

I heard a song tonight, on the radio
Another girl sings about a boy
She sees his face in every space, every room
And I know, that if I turn around you won't be their
If I close my eyes will you be their?

Oh, no, no
I don't wanna lose your face
I don't wanna turn around
Oh, oh oh, ooh, yeah
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, yeah

Songwriter T. Swift
GAG

And ONE more brilliant line:
I wish the sky had your face

Yeah.....

Sleep Baby Sleep

2010-06-26T11:01:00.009-10:00

So yesterday I went out to get the mail, and there, addressed to ME was a purple, pink, green and blue packet of coupons for FREE Bear Hug Stretch Leak Barrier Leg Gathers Cottony Soft On Your Baby's Skin LUVS DIAPERS....

And while it IS true, I did have a baby. Here is the photo my older daughter took of her, that I have in my living room. This is actually a digital photo of it right where it sits. That's my baby!

15 years, 3 months, and 24 days ago

So, why and/or how did I get those coupons. It says my full name, like what was on the birth certificate. And if you look over to the side on my blog you can read about when I was pregnant with her and figure out that it is a pretty safe bet I don't have any other babies, nor will I anytime in this life.

I called the number on the back of the envelope and asked how I got it, and the lady was real sweet. She said that anyone could request coupons for anything that Proctor and Gamble sells to be sent to who ever they want. That's interesting. I wonder if they make Ex Lax or a comparative product. I can think of a certain woman so full of shit, I think I'll order some coupons sent her way.

Back to the angel of my heart. She is actually still sleeping. Aww, its summer, ya know. She needs her beauty sleep.

Well I love my baby sweet and fair
You've got the sky in your eyes
The sun in your hair
I rock you to sleep most
Every night
And sing you this song while
I hold you tight

Sleep my baby
The angels keep you from harm
And your father above
Cradles you in his love
Safe and warm
Sleep my baby
Nestled in your mama's arms

My baby you'll be sleepin soon
Kissed by the golden stars
And moon
I have just one wish for you
May your every dream come true
Sleep my baby
The angels keep you from harm

Sleep my baby
The angels keep you from harm
And your father above
Cradles you in his love
Safe and warm
Sleep my baby
Nestled in your mama's arms

One of two Nicolette Larson Lullabies my daughter wanted sung to her every night until she was 8 yrs old.

Lyric: Goodman/Sykes

In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida

2010-06-19T13:11:00.009-10:00

Last night my husband and I went on a DATE to a screening of TAYLOR CAMP at the College. What a wonderful film, it was so much more than what I had thought it might be.

I mean, first off, it starts out with In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida playing and a backdrop of helicopter rotor blades and Vietnam. And it is just so good, I can hardly explain it other than to say, if it is showing in your area, go see it.

I would say that if you're not of that 60's to 70's generation, or your parents are, you might not care. But you also probably are not reading my blog either! Oh, and the average age of the audience was probably 50. If you live in Hawaii or like visiting here, its a must see. It has many recognizable local residents, both people who lived at the camp and little kids who went to school in Hanalei with the kids from Taylor Camp. Nalani is in it. She is grown up now, but she was a child who lived close by. Certain people might remember her from the 90's as the pretty local girlfriend of a handsome male paddler.

It has Bobo and he's pretty funny now. Also the woman named Bobo that surfed naked, and now works at the surf shop. I am still so overwhelmed at how stunning a film this was, I don't yet have the right words. It is not just a documentary. And its not about a commune either. You just have to see it. Here is the YouTube trailer for the movie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58WKzxMWZpU&feature=related

The first time I heard about the actual place Taylor Camp was in 1979 from my then boyfriend Alan. He had been to Kauai the previous year and there were some remnants of the camp left. I came to Kauai with him for a visit in Jan of 1980 and saw it for myself. There was little left. And as the years have gone by, it now just overgrown jungle across from Haena Beach Park.

You can see more information about it at:
http://taylorcampkauai.com/live/

In a gadda da vida, baby
(In the Garden of Eden)
In a gadda da vida, honey
Don't you know that I'm lovin' you

Oh, won't you come with me
And take my hand
Oh, won't you come with me
And walk this land
Please take my hand

In a gadda da vida, honey
Don't you know that I'm lovin' you
In a gadda da vida, baby
Don't you know that I'll always be true

Oh, won't you come with me
And take my hand
Oh, won't you come with me
And walk this land
Please take my hand

In a gadda da vida, honey
Don't you know that I'm lovin' you
In a gadda da vida, baby
Don't you know that I'll always be true

Oh, won't you come with me
And take my hand
Oh, won't you come with me
And walk this land
Please take my hand

In a gadda da vida, baby
(In the Garden of Eden)
In a gadda da vida, honey
Don't you know that I'm lovin' you

Oh, won't you come with me
And take my hand
Oh, won't you come with me
And walk this land
Please take my hand

Iron Butterfly
Songwriter: Douglas Ingle

Boop-oop-a-doop

2010-06-16T08:15:00.005-10:00

OK, ready for this? (drum roll ... )

My dad has a girlfriend, her name is Betty. He's taken her to lunch twice and things are heating up to where he is now going to take her to the movies. I say, GOOD FOR HIM.

You can't waste time when you're 82. And she's 82 also. Oh, and it can't hurt that she's got lots of money so she's not after his.

Finally someone to talk to and have lunch with who English is not their second language.This puts a smile on my face!

There's a little queen
Of the animated screen;
Wait 'til you, get a view of Sweet Betty!

Made of pen and ink,
She can win you with a wink;
Wait 'til you, get a view of Sweet Betty!

Those eyes, that pretty nose,
Although aside from these, she's got so much of those!

If you want to see
Just a perfect little she,
Wait 'til you, get a view of Sweet Betty!

There's the moon, 'way up high,
Here are you and here am I,
Oh, do, do, do, something!
Boop-oop-a-doop!

It's been told and explained,
That nothing tried is nothing gained!
Oh, oh, come on, please, do something!
Boop-oop-a-doop!

I've got the time and the place,
And the place and the time, I know,
I've got a bench and a park,
And a park with a bench and all,
Boop-oop-a-doop!

Sitting around seems so dumb,
Hurry, dear, I'm getting numb,
Oh, do, do, do, boop-oop-a-doop-a-doop,
Boop-oop-a-doop!

You can feed me bread and water,
Or a great big bale of hay,
But don't take my boop-oop-a-doop away!

Can't find who wrote this or I would credit them.

Love Struck Baby

2010-06-14T13:11:00.012-10:00

My 83 year old sweet aunt has been sending me little Fw, Fw, Fw, sayings in my email for several years now. In the last year or so she discovered a social networking site and has been sending me invitations to join which I have always just ignored. Well I finally gave in about two weeks ago, when school was out and my daughter helped me. Yes, I had to have my High School age daughter help me sign up for the thing. So, I needed more friends than just my octogenarian aunt, so my daughter helped me pick a few friends. I was happy I could now communicate with my cousin and see her beautiful art work. Then my cousin told me about OUR cousin, the one that is double related because her grandmother is my grandmother's sister and her father is my grandfather's brother (you try to figure THAT out!). I added a long time email friend from Hollywood and another long time email friend, a University of CA professor from the old Firefly days and I felt pretty set on that being about it for me.

Then about a week ago there was something in my email I almost couldn't believe. There was a friend request from someone for ME. And it wasn't from my aunt. I think I sat and stared at it in disbelief for 10 minutes before I could actually move. I hadn't seen this person since June of 1967. Not that I hadn't thought about him - from time to time. I mean, HE gave me mono and I missed the last few weeks of school that year. But, I haven't mentioned him to many people at all.

He was a year older than me when he showed up mid year 1966 in my French class. He was annoying to me, always trying to talk to me - whispering What are you doing after class? when I was trying to pay attention in a tedious end of the day class. He had stickers on his binder that said HEAD on them. I had no idea at the time WHAT that was. Later on I found out it was the name of a company that made skis. OK, so he skied. That was a little more interesting.

Then all of a sudden I found out an upper class man liked me - a very shy one. So, my new acquaintance became the helper outer. I drove the other guy over to my house to visit me. He seemed to always sit closer to me on the sofa in my living room than the guy who he drove over. And he did more of the talking. I actually did go to a dance with the older guy, at the end of the year. Then it was summer. THAT summer, the summer of '66. And when school started in the fall, there was some guy with long hair and a leather vest and leather tied headband walking around school. Who was that? Oh my - it was THAT GUY who had annoyed me. And NOW he was cool and senior. He still smiled at me and nodded his head every time we passed in the hall, but he cut school a lot. I asked him to the Sadie Hawkins dance and he said YES. He walked me to my classes for two weeks before the dance and drove me home each day in his van. I was thrilled when he picked me up for the dance. Although, he got stoned in the van, then we went out to eat and then to the drive-in and never made it to the actual dance. And the next week I was sick. And that was it.

Until last week. All these years, and all of a sudden I get an email from him, and its so cool. What's cool? Well, first, that he is still alive, and he looks good. That he told me more about back then than I remember, and he is happy to be alive. He lives in the mountains in CA with his wife and horses. And the best part about it, the part that makes me smile, is in all the photos, he has that same smile, almost a little smirk, that I remember. On one of his videos he is trying to coax his dog to do something - in that same voice. And it makes me laugh inside, and have this little cat ate the canary giggle that I can't explain to anyone else, because its way too long a story.

Well I'm love struck baby I must confess
Life without you darlin' is a solid mess
Thinkin' 'bout you baby give me such a thrill
I gotta have you baby....Can't get my fill
I love ya baby an' I know just what to do

I still remember....and let it be said
The way you make me feel it take a fool to forget
I swore a ton of bricks had hit me in the head
And what you do little baby....I ain't over yet

Every time I see ya make me feel so fine
My heart beatin' crazy....My blood runnin' wild
Your lovin' makes me feel like a mighty mighty man
Love me baby ain't I your man

I'm a love struck baby
Yeah I'm a love struck baby
You got me love struck baby
And I know just what to do

Sparks start flyin' every time we meet
Let me tell you baby you knock me off my feet
Your kisses trip me up and they're just doggone sweet
Don't you know baby you can't be beat

I'm a love struck baby
Yeah I'm a love struck baby
You got me love struck baby
And I know just what to do

Songwriter - Stevie Ray Vaughan
The CD I was listening to when I wrote this.

Song to The Siren

2010-06-07T13:11:00.004-10:00

I watched The Lovely Bones the other night. Well, and the other day too, because I fell asleep 3 times and had to rewind it and finally at about midnight I gave up about 2/3 through. So I watched the end the next day. And then I had to watch again the part where she meets the other girls in the field, when at the same time, the trunk is being dumped into the landfill.

It was a trippy movie. And the song was haunting me - like I had heard it a long time ago. So I looked it up, and of course, yes, I'm old enough to now remember when this was first recorded by Tim Buckley. Gosh, surely this seems like one that Jeff could have done justice to as well.

What a beautiful movie. Sad, but the way it was filmed was really pretty. The one thing that sorta creeped me out was that little girl looks a lot like my daughter - well, if she wore one of those knitted caps. I loved the colors, particularly the rainbow of 15 minute credits at the end.

Long afloat on shipless oceans
I did all my best to smile
'til your singing eyes and fingers
Drew me loving to your isle
And you sang
Sail to me
Sail to me
Let me enfold you
Here I am
Here I am
Waiting to hold you

Did I dream you dreamed about me?
Were you hare when I was fox?
Now my foolish boat is leaning
Broken lovelorn on your rocks,
For you sing, 'touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow:
O my heart, o my heart shies from the sorrow'

I am puzzled as the newborn child
I am troubled at the tide:
Should I stand amid the breakers?
Should I lie with death my bride?
Hear me sing, 'swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you:
Here I am, here I am, waiting to hold you'

Tim Buckley

Waterfall

2010-05-29T10:01:00.005-10:00

Well, there is not too much I can say about this. What's that saying? A picture's worth a a thousand words? Or is it a million? Oh, no matter this is The Money Shot.

This is a photographer's dream. No I didn't steal this, and don't you either. I would watermark it, but it would take away from the beauty the gorgeous scenery. This is not a scene from the LOST set. People who live here know where this is. It is not easy access and it is on private property. I'll just keep it a secret.

This is my intellectual property, if you want to use this you will need my permission.

Waterfall
Nothing can harm me at all
My worries seem so very small
With my waterfall

I can see
My rainbow calling me
Through the misty breeze
Of my waterfall

Some people say
Daydreaming's for all the
Lazy minded fools
With nothin' else to do
So let them laugh, laugh at me
So just as long as I have you
To see me through
As long as I have you

Waterfall
Don't ever change your ways
Fall with me for a million days
Oh, my waterfall

Jimi Hendrix

Up To The Mountain

2010-05-27T11:55:00.007-10:00

Crystal Bowersox may not have won the TV contest for American Idol, but I sorta think she has cooler fans. Don't get me wrong, Lee DeWyze or whatever his name is, is good and his eyes are pretty. And we all know, middle American don't want dreads on their Idol. That's fine, she'll probably do better without being the winner. I'll buy her CD. She's got a Joss Stone Bonnie Raitt Janis Joplin voice, all of whom belong in the MAN HATERS CLUB section of my music. One more ballsy woman will fit just fine.

The Idol experience was sadly interrupted last night by the news that the all day standoff in Hanamaulu ended in a suicide and it turned out to be the father of one of the people in the PLAY I posted below. I'm not going to put a link to the news paper article here, so if you really want to know you have to look for it yourself. And then someone elses father from the cast in the play, ended up in the ER in serious condition in an unrelated event.

Public School was out yesterday. And strangely enough, just at the time our lame nene governor says she's got Furlough Friday figured out..... we'll see.... She also said she was mailing out our tax refunds - the ones we sent in in January! I didn't see mine in the mail box, and I know I was one of the first group of people to file.

Enough of this BS. Shit stop that OIL - what a disgrace, what a tragedy.

Have a nice day....

I went up to the mountain
Because you asked me to
Up over the clouds
To where the sky was blue
I could see all around me
Everywhere
I could see all around me
Everywhere

Sometimes I feel like
I've never been nothing but tired
And I'll be walking
Till the day I expire
Sometimes I lay down
No more can I do
But then I go on again
Because you ask me to

Some days I look down
Afraid I will fall
And though the sun shines
I see nothing at all
Then I hear your sweet voice, oh
Oh, come and then go, come and then go
Telling me softly
You love me so

The peaceful valley
Just over the mountain
The peaceful valley
Few come to know
I may never get there
Ever in this lifetime
But sooner or later
It's there I will go
Sooner or later
It's there I will go

Songwriter - Patty Griffin

Lost

2010-05-24T09:11:00.005-10:00

Oh, my, 6 years....

You know what the finale of LOST felt like to me? It reminded me of doing a report paper in school - either me or one of my kids. The assignment was given months and months ahead of time, and a little work, and good work, was done at little intervals. Then all of a sudden the project was due, and all the detailed work had to be summed up in a very short time. That's how LOST felt to me. Like a cop-out.

The biggest question to me, and its a stupid one, really, is, WHAT was that POLAR BEAR doing on the island? Along with a whole bunch of unanswered questions, like what happened to the orphaned baby, and wasn't there some other kid, or maybe that kid was imaginary.

But part that I never ever could grasp, maybe because I LIVE on an island, is the CAVES, the underground stuff. You can't have that stuff on an island. I live 350 feet above sea level, on an island right next to the one where that was filmed. And if I dig a hole in my yard big enough to plant a tree, it will fill up with WATER. So, how in the world where there all those Hearst Mansion like places underground, as well as the HATCH, when that is feasibly impossible.

Oh, I guess the whole thing was feasibly impossible. Time travel, backward in time, forwards in time and sideways in time. I'm just glad its done, and it doesn't even seem to make much difference that I missed almost the entire season last year. I will say, that from the first show, I thought they were all dead. But I guess we're supposed to think they are not lost now? They were all smiling. I don't know. I'm lost. I like Survivor better.

I just got lost
Every river that I tried to cross
Every door I ever tried was locked
Oh and I’m just waiting ‘til the shine wears off

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn’t mean you’ve won
‘Cause a long may come
A bigger one

Coldplay

Shy

2010-05-22T14:00:00.011-10:00

Gosh I haven't been here in a while. I have my new computer! Its cool, but I'm still getting used to it. I can't figure out how to get pictures from my daughter's account to my own page, so I had to log into her account and start my blog, just to get these photos.

I promised some pictures from her play Once Upon A Mattress. I hope you enjoy them! Here is my daughter and some of her friends in the cast before the show.

And here they are in costume (like THIS needed an explanation..)

This is the whole cast at the end of the show.

After the show receiving flowers and taking pictures.

Here is a photo of her and me on Mother's Day at the Market Place.

I look tired....... Oh well, at least I'm not SHY....

Hey nonny, nonny is it you?
Hey nonny, nonny, nonny no!

Hey nonny, nonny is it you?
Hey nonny, nonny, nonny no!

Hey, nonny, nonny is it you, or you, or you, or you, or…
Nenny, nonny, nenny, nenny!!!
No! No! No!

Someone's being bashful; that's no way to be, not with me.
Can't you see that I am just as embarrassed as you?
And I can understand your point of view.
I've always been… Shy!!
I confess it, I'm shy!
Can't you guess that this confident air
is just a mask that I wear 'cause I'm shy?
And you may be sure way down deep I'm demure,
though some people I know might deny it at bottom I'm quiet and pure!
I'm aware that it's wrong to be meek as I am; my chances may pass me by.
I pretend to be strong, but as weak as I am, all I can do is try.

God knows I… try!
Though I'm frightened and shy!
And despite the impression I give I confess that I'm living a lie…
Because I'm actually terribly timid, and horribly shy...

Lyrics from SHY of Once Upon A Mattress

Photograph

2010-05-08T12:59:00.004-10:00

Oh gosh, I STILL do not have a computer. Its been gone since the last week of April. Numerous issues with my new computer and the transfer of data from the old computer AND the wait for my new high speed connection. I really hope I have a computer by the end of the week - and an internet connection so I can learn to use it. Its a Linux operating system, which I have no clue how to use. It doesn't support a lot of stuff including my camera, uh probably cause it uses those ancient floppy discs that no one uses any more. Anyhow, right now I am in the bat cave using one of about 2 dozen computers. I can't say where this is, but my 15 year old daughter was in here quite a few times last year.

There's so much I could have been writing about. My daughter finished her 6 performances of Once Upon A Mattress, what a gorgeous production that is. And the director loves her, wants to make sure she is signing up for 1st semester next year. She is also going to sing John Mayer's Daughters in church tomorrow. After which I am getting of of there, its the minister's last day and I think I'll take early exit out the side door. Then we're going to have a Mother-Daughter day. That was her wish. I think we'll go to the Market Place and window shop - she thought that would be fun.

And so this morning as I was just playing this CD, when it got to this particular song, I heard the lyrics differently this time, I guess, and just burst into tears. I miss MY MOTHER so much.

I put a photograph inside the frame of my heart
Forever you'll be the better half watching the rest fall apart
Nothing's goin' change the look on my face
You'll see me spending the rest of my days

Waving tomorrow goodbye, a tear in my eye
Nothing can bring back that feeling
Go on fade out the stars in my sky, I'm wondering why
No one can save me, the same way you do

I put a broken dream next to the memory of you
And forever you'll be together till fate brings you somebody new
And I can't erase the look on your face
Guess I'll be spending the rest of my days

Waving tomorrow goodbye, a tear in my eye
Nothing can bring back that feeling
Go on fade out the stars in my sky, I'm wondering why
No one can save me, the same way you do

Waving tomorrow goodbye, a tear in my eye
Nothing can bring back that feeling, oh no
Fade out the stars in my sky, I'm wondering why
No one can save me, the same way you do

Little light, little light
Oh, we're gonna make it right
Little light, little light
You know we're gonna make it right

Songwriter - Diane Birch

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Power

2010-04-22T13:11:00.004-10:00

So, its EARTH DAY today. Lets see, first we had Burn Day earlier this week, and now today everyone and every thing is GREEN - I thought that was St. Patrick's Day....

The day started about 5 am with one too many surprises for my daughter. Today is the first day of the play she's been rehearsing all these months, Once Upon A Mattress. They were there until midnight on Tuesday. She was so tired she couldn't even wake up yesterday. She stayed home slept over half the day away then got everything ready to go for her 7 am call. Today the performances are for elementary school students and tomorrow is opening night for the public. I hope things go good and they don't have to rehearse more after the play.

So, other than sending good vibes to my daughter, what exactly am I supposed to do on Earth Day? I looked it up - George Carlin had an interesting spin on it, called The Planet is Fine. You would have go Google it because most of it I can't put here. You wanna know if the planet’s all right, ask those people in Mexico City or Armenia or a hundred other places buried under thousands of tons of earthquake rubble, if they feel like a threat to the planet this week. Or how about those people in Kilauea, Hawaii, who built their homes right next to an active volcano, and then wonder why they have lava in the living room.

Well, I guess maybe I could put a sorta green photo. I don't know...

Just give me the warm power of the Sun
Give me the steady flow of the waterfall
Give me the spirit of living things
As they return to clay

Give me the restless power of the wind
Give me the comforting glow of the wood fire
But won't you take all your atomic poison power away

Every body needs some power I'm told
To shield them from the darkness and the cold
Some may seek a way to take control
When it's bought and sold

I know that lives are at stake
Yours and mine, and our descendants in time
There's so much to gain, so much to lose
Everyone of us has to choose

Written by: John and Johanna Hall
From the MUSE No Nukes Concerts in 1979

Love Needs a Heart

2010-04-20T09:33:00.006-10:00

Well, lets see, its April 20th. Its a day off at my daughter's school. I don't understand it, but apparently its BURN DAY which means everyone is supposed to get stoned at school and there isn't enough administrators to deal with that - and we ALL know how unruly a group of stoned kids can be..right?... so the principal just cancels school for this day every year. I think it started the year after Columbine.

That means my daughter is home. She's asleep - I hope. I mean, I know she is in her room, but she came home from theatre at 11:15 pm yelling at me that she was grumpy and that her chest and back hurt and why didn't I know what it was, then got madder when I wasn't real concerned about it, and suggested she go to bed since she had been rehearsing every day until about that time, and just maybe all that singing and dancing was hurting her chest muscles. But she had to wash her hair, at midnight, AND at the same time TEXT to her friends, so it was well after midnight that she got to sleep. I think I'll wait another hour and if I hear nothing then I'll check on her. Her doorway is sorta booby trapped so I can't just open it and look in. I want her to get all the rest she can before she goes back to rehearsal again tonight.

So I hope its a happy day all around. Its my son's birthday too. I haven't heard from him since my birthday before the last one. I miss him.

Maybe the hardest thing I've ever done
Was to walk away from you
Leaving behind the life that we'd begun
I split myself in two

Proud and alone, cold as a stone
Rolling down that hill into the night
I could see the surprise and the hurt in your eyes
From behind each flashing city light

Love needs a heart and I need to find
If loves needs a heart like mine

Love won't come near me, she don't even hear me
She walks past my vacancy sign
Love needs a heart, trusting and blind
I wish that heart was mine

Proud and alone, cold as a stone
I'm afraid to believe the things I feel
I can cry with the best I can laugh with the rest
But I'm never sure when it's real

And it may be the hardest thing I've ever done
But apart from all that I hope to find
Where's the heart that's been looking for mine?
I hope it finds me in time

Love needs a heart and I need to find
If love needs a heart like mine

Songwriters - Jackson Browne, Lowell George

Carrying a Torch

2010-04-16T12:27:00.004-10:00

This day is my honey's birthday. I love you baby! I wish this day didn't start out with such bad news. But I think music is the big healer. Its really all I can say.

I'm carryin' a torch for you
I'm carryin' a torch
You know how much it costs
To keep carryin' a torch

Flame of love it burns so bright
That is my desire
Keep on liftin' me, liftin' me up
Higher and higher

You're the keeper of the flame
And you burn so bright
Baby why don't we re-connect
Move into the light

I've been going to and fro on this and that
Still carryin' a torch
You must know how much it's worth
When I'm carryin' a torch (alright)

Baby you're the keeper of the flame
And you burn so bright
Why, why, why, why, why, why don't we re-connect
And move on further, into the light

I've been calling you on the phone
`Cause I'm carryin' a torch (yeah)
I can do it all on my own
`Cause I'm carryin' a torch

I'm carryin' a torch for you, baby
I'm carryin' a torch
You know how much it's worth
Because I'm carryin' a torch (one more)
I'm carryin' a torch for you, baby
I'm carryin' a torch
You know how much it's worth
Because I'm carryin' a torch.

Van the Man

And on a sad note, this morning we learned of the death of one of Kauai's acknowledged Living Treasures, Larry McIntosh who had been the band and jazz band director at Kauai High School for about 40 years, and orchestra, jazz band, and band director at Kauai Community College (University of Hawaii) for 25 years or so.

Until the daylight comes through
And I just, and I just, have to sing
Sing my hymns to the silence
Hymns to the silence, hymns to the silence
My hymns to the silence

I wanna go out in the countryside
Oh sit by the clear, cool, crystal water
Get my spirit, way back to the feeling
Deep in my soul, I wanna feel

Oh so close to the One, close to the One
Close to the One, close to the One
And that's why, I keep on singing baby
My hymns to the silence, hymns to the silence
Oh my hymns to the silence, hymns to the silence
Oh hymns to the silence, oh hymns to the silence
Oh hymns to the silence, hymns to the silence

Van Morrison (both from album Hymns to the Silence)

Sand and Water

2010-04-12T15:23:00.009-10:00

When things get old and decay, they often harden and turn into sand like grains of dust. During a recent house cleaning I witnessed this dust flung into the air with a sunlit backdrop while shaking out a blanket. The sunlight illuminated a cloud of tiny crystal particles shimmering in the air. I just watched it as it slowly floated to the ground. I reached out and caught a handful of it and it sat in the palm of my hand as I turned my hand in the sun and looked at it.

What was that really? Pieces of my life, now just dust. Except if you look at it in the light. Ah, then those pieces are crystals. I took what I couldn't see in ordinary light and put it in a box of tiny little silver angels that I think were once used to cushion something that was once in the box. And although I can't retrieve a solitary piece of it; together I have it all in the box. Anytime I want I can take the box and hold it and think about those little crystals of life.

There is that crystal that shines back at me from that day in 1974 when my son caught a big toad in the backyard. He was so thrilled with that ugly thing, he ran all around the yard with it and I ran in and got the camera. I have a picture someplace, but I haven't seen it in years. But the memory of that day is right there in my crystal box.

Another crystal brings back a happy day at Capitola beach at River's edge where my 15 month old daughter sat with her blue bonnet and nothing more, making sand cakes and stacking them all around her. I didn't have my camera with me, so I only have the memory of that day. She played for hours right there, happy as could be, scooping up water and sand, dripping about as much on her as ended up on those cakes. When she was finished she stood up and took a couple steps into the water, then turned around and smashed all the cakes with her feet and with squeals of laughter as the sand made its way through her toes.

Two decades or so before that, I have the many crystal memories on that same beach when I was a child. My mother didn't like the water so she sat under a big umbrella next to the swings in one of those striped canvas back half chairs as I ran in and out of that same river water. I was skinny and got cold real fast, and would run out of the water and my mother would wrap me in a sun warmed quilt until my goose bumps went away. Then back in the water I went. I think of all those days my mother and my little brother and I walked down the 88 stairs behind the Capitola theatre and along the Esplande to the beach carrying the necessary gear for a day at the beach. Then at the end of a long day, we walked all the way back up that hill, past the train depot to our house on Saxon Avenue with sand in our bathing suits.

All alone I didn't like the feeling
All alone I sat and cried
All alone I had to find some meaning
In the center of the pain I felt inside

All alone I came into this world
All alone I will someday die
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
Sand and water, and a million years gone by

I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
I will hear you in the sound of the waves
I will know you when I come, as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave

All alone I heal this heart of sorrow
All alone I raise this child
Flesh and bone, he's just
Bursting towards tomorrow
And his laughter fills my world and wears your smile

I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
I will hear you in the sound of the waves
I will know you when I come, as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave

All alone I came into this world
All alone I will someday die
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
Sand and water and a million years gone by

Songwriter - Beth Nielsen Chapman

What's Your Name?

2010-04-07T10:12:00.006-10:00

Oh my, its raining buckets. That's one thing I learned about Hawaii 30 years ago, it doesn't START to rain here, like with a little drizzle. It just all of a sudden DUMPS a deluge of water from the sky. Its even too rainy for the ducks. Not our ducks, but someones friendly white ducks, that show up every morning, seemingly bring a friend, to now there are FIVE of them, they stayed home. Note to whoever - don't toss the left over of your sandwich you were going to throw out, to a duck standing in your driveway....they have friends!

What's this song about? Well, it is one of the top songs of 1978. On this day in 1978, at about this time, I was walking around the circle from the living room through the hall, through the middle bedroom - the one with 2 doors - through the kitchen and dining room and back to the living room. Over and over. I had just gone into labor, thanks to THE PRICE IS RIGHT (That damn ding ding ding ding ding ding)

About 4 hours later, in an extremely crowded hospital, I told the nurse that I was not going to pant and blow and wait for my doctor to show up. There in just a hospital bed, it a storage room my daughter came out just as the doctor walked into the room. I surely didn't need him, and apparently he had some problems as he shot himself up with heroin about 6 months later and ate a gun. He wasn't even there the next morning for ROUNDS. I wanted out of there, I was tired and couldn't get any sleep at all. I convinced some other doctor that since I lived only 5 houses away, to let me go home and I would come back every four hours and feed her, which I did, and then took her home the next day.

The only name I had picked out was Chris. And the day before she was born I was really having second thoughts about that name. At the time the TV show Three's Company was popular and it occurred to me that if I did have a girl that people would call her Chrissy. At the same time, my Heather plants were in full bloom. And that's how her name came to be. I will say that I'm sorry that I gave her a Country Singer's middle name (which I won't put here).

Cute baby, huh? Gosh, she looks just like her dad! What a beautiful baby. Everywhere I went people stopped me and told me what a gorgeous baby she was!

What's your name, little girl?
What's your name?
Shootin' you straight, little girl
Well there aint no shame
What's your name, little girl?
What's your name?
Shootin' you straight little girl
Won't you do the same?

Songwriter - Ronnie VanZandt (Lynyrd Skynyrd)

Of Note:
On the issue of Childbirth, I saw that Bitch Midwife Claudia Brown on the Hoike Channel on the Ann of Valium show, she has red hair in a pony tail with the front white, sticking up like a rooster. I can't believe she is running a business after, being fired for incompetence. And its too bad that there is a whole new generation of young women who have no idea how horrible she is at what she does. I had to kick her out of my labor room 15 years ago. She broke my water without my permission and then later tried to force my cervix back after she lied to me to say she just wanted to check to see how my labor was progressing before she got off duty. I'll write more about her later. But if you are looking for a natural childbirth, you certainly don't need her help!

By the way, back to my reason for this post:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

This was not the number one song that day, I think it was probably a Bee Gees song, but I only like the Bee Gees done by Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake.

Please Come Home to Boston

2010-04-02T14:31:00.004-10:00

OK...if your are not a SURVIVOR fan, this post may have little interest to you. If you ARE, are you in shock like me?

Well, its JUST a TV show. And its JUST a GAME. But I love Boston Rob. Even from the first show when everyone hated him, I thought he was SMART. And low and behold, I guess he was, cause he ended up with the ultimate prize - AMBER!

I predict the Villains Team will fall apart starting next Thursday. I think Jeri is too old and her menopause is causing her problems with clear thinking. I mean, first off, she was physically attracted to COACH. Coach, the guy who lets his warrior think for him. I think his warrior is going limp! And she lets herself get sucked in by ultra full of himself Russell. I am not enamored by Russell this show. He thinks way too much of himself. He didn't know at the time that show was filmed that he had LOST Survivor Samoa. He was sure he had won. Well, he is a beady eyed sleaze bag this time.

They should have called the Villains the LOOSE CANNONS because they just don't fit the villain description. There is kooky Courtney, there was that spaced out blonde guy that actually VOTED HIMSELF OUT last week by virtue of his own stupidity (Tyson). Then we have crazy COACH, sassy SANDRA, just plain dumb JERI, pukey PAVORITI, dumb DENISE and repulsive RUSSELL.

I was so bummed out last night, I swore I wasn't going to watch the rest of the season. But, I probably will and now I am hoping that JT wins. But I am sure going to miss Boston Rob. He is a smart guy. He can size people up real good. What a surprise (not), he's a poker player. He knew he was going to be voted out after what happened last week. Well, maybe the merge will be next week. Maybe that's why there seems to be only one hidden immunity idol and its on the Hero's Beach.

Please come to Boston for the springtime
I'm stayin' here with some friends and they've got lotsa room
You can sell your paintings on the sidewalk
By a café here I hope to be workin' soon
Please come to Boston
She said "No, would you come home to me"

Songwriter - Dave Loggins

(If you're wondering if I want you to) I Want You To

2010-03-30T11:59:00.004-10:00

My daughter is home SICK again. She came home from Theatre yesterday, dragging in like a wet dog. She was sneezing, sniffling, with cramps, bloating and all that other stuff that are on TV, all rolled into one big I DON'T FEEL GOOD.

She ate a little bit of chicken and rice dinner and put on her pj's and went to bed by 8 pm. She slept until 10 am this morning, when she came in still looking out of sorts. I had made some green tea and she went and got some then came back with a puzzled look on her face. She said she had put her phone under her pillow last night and when she woke up it was on the floor. Also there was a message on there from the first person on her phone list with a big "?" She looked at her phone and here is the messages she apparently sent a parent of a friend at about 10 pm last night.

Daughter - r ur sheets clean
Aunty - Huh?
Daughter - Thatssss2 bad
Aunty - What the heck r u talkin about
Daughter - Put it away

So, after she read that this morning she came in and told me, she knows I have no idea how to use her phone, plus, I was asleep myself at that time. And she said to me Uh, mom, I think I sleep texted someone.....

Then she told me about all the weird dreams she had last night, or she thought she had. She wanted to check if we had said anything about going on vacation and I said we had not, so she said that must have been a dream, and did I ever get my dreams confused with what happened when I was awake. I told her that when I first woke up in the morning getting out of my dream. She said that she felt like she had that same dream before, and it also seemed real. I told her that sometimes that stuff happens when you are sick. But, I had to admit, I had never called (or texted) anyone in my sleep. She is still trying to sort it all out.

I asked her if she had a favorite song and this is the one she picked:

The moon was shinin’ on the lake that night.
The Slayer t-shirt fit the scene just right.
Through smeared mascara, I looked into your eyes and saw a light.
You told me stories about your chickadees
They didn’t like BB guns or stupid archery.
The jumbo lifeguard, he let them use the pool all day for free.

Then the conversation stopped and I looked down at my feet.
I was next to you and you were right there next to me.
Then I said, “Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to, I want you to.
So make the move. Cause I ain’t got all night.”

The rest of the summer was the best we ever had.
We watched Titanic and it didn’t make us sad.
I took you to Best Buy, you took me home to meet your mom and dad.

Your mom cooked meatloaf even though I don’t eat meat.
I dug you so much I took some for the team.
Your dad was silent. His eyes were fixed to what was on TV.

Then the conversation stopped and I looked down at the ring.
Your folks were next to you and you were right there next to me.
Then I said, “Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to, I want you to.
I swear it’s true. Without you, my heart is blue.
Ooohwhoa Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to, I want you to.
So make a move. Cause I ain’t got all night.”
So much pain may come our way.
There may come a day when we have nothing left to say.

When the conversation stops and we’re facing our defeat.
I’ll be next to you and you’ll be right there next to me.
Then I’ll say, “Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to, I want you to.
I swear it’s true. Without you my heart is blue.
Ooohwhoa Girl, if you’re wondering if I want you to, I want you to.
So make a move. Cause I ain’t got all night.”

Song by Weezer

Why

2010-03-29T11:50:00.009-10:00

So, you might ask (and you might not...) WHY did I pick this song? Well, its not nearly as deep as it might appear. It's simple - It was playing on HOLD on a phone call I just made.

It took them a while. I called the pharmacy to see if my prescription was ready because I went to pick it up at the scheduled time it turned out that they didn't have the specific generic that I requested and they had to order it and it should take one day. Apparently that day isn't today though cause it wasn't there and it seems they forgot to place the order on Friday. So, while the pharmacist was looking to see what had transpired, I got to listen to bits of this song. But only parts because it kept getting interrupted by a short recording telling me they would be with me shortly.

Its not the brand name that I want, its just that the pill is hard to swallow and one generic in particular starts to degrade in my mouth and down my throat while I am trying to swallow it, and it tastes horrid. The one they are ordering has some coating so it goes down easier, like a spoonful of sugar!

I actually don't own this CD, but I'd like to. Maybe I'll get it for..uh..hmm...oh, how bout Mother's Day. But I got something for my honey and he is going to be surprised. I have been holding something in my basket on Amazon for a month now and check the price every day because it was full price, and I see some people remark that they got 1/3 off. So, last night just as we got in bed, I asked if he had turned off the computer, cause it seems to have less fatal errors if we just shut it off at night. He hadn't been on it since mid day so I got up to check and it was on and there were 3 browsers open, SO, I just decided to quickly check the price on, well, I'm not going to tell you. AND, I was falling asleep but there it was, at the lowest price EVER, so I knew I HAD to buy it right then. This computer is so slow that by the time I was done, I was wide awake. I played a few Free Cell games and finally got tired again. So, I was late getting to bed.

And I woke up felling really yucky. And before 7 am there were big trucks pouring rocks two houses down and another backing up dinging its bell, and a fat DUCK taking a very long bath in the tiny puddle in the drain right in front of my window. I did go back to sleep but the truck noise was incorporated into my dream, someone's daffy duck cell phone bell kept going off and my brother dream called me and yelled and laughed at me. See, that's what happens when I tried to go back to sleep when I should just get up.

But I wasn't meant to sleep that long anyhow, because a musician called for my husband a short time later. I think he butt dialed because he seemed surprised that he had called, or maybe he was surprised he was sober and then realized it was MONDAY and most people are at work. This guy drunk dialed 4 times this weekend, then butt dialed this morning. Maybe that would be called asshole dialing....

OK, on with my day. I had some green tea, that made me feel better. I'm tempted to brew up some of that Lava Java my husband and I got at Papaya's yesterday after our misty walk at Kealia. It was real windy down there and the ocean was really stiring up a brew. Its still so cold up here, and the wind is blowing pretty hard. I think the rain is gonna stop for a while now, I hope.

Why can't you see this boat is sinking
(this boat is sinking this boat is sinking)
Let's go down to the water's edge
And we can cast away those doubts
Some things are better left unsaid
But they still turn me inside out
Turning inside out turning inside out
Tell me...
Why
Tell me...
Why

Songwriter - Annie Lennox

I Would Like to Call it Beauty

2010-03-27T16:25:00.005-10:00

I got a haircut. I got some color too. I took this photo in to my hairdresser who has been telling me I am too old for long hair now for the last two times I went in. In fact, last time, right as I was going to pay her she told me my hair looked terrible. So, I decided I could part with 3 to 4 inches and hopefully get some nice warm color too. I took THIS photo in with me to show how I wanted it done.

My hair dresser said it was a nice hair style, PARTICULARLY for the 20 year old girl in the photo. She said I would need a straightening iron for it to look that way all the time. I said uh huh.

Anyhow, 2 hours later, it pretty much looked like that. But I didn't get a picture of it until today, after I washed it, and its a little more frizzy today, plus the photographer didn't know how to use the camera. So, now its like this, although I really hope I don't look THAT bad.

It has some bangs that look like a 2 year old cut them while I was asleep. She used a razor cutter and cut one piece right above my eyebrow then the one next to it in my right eye. Then layered it all just on the right side only. I might get a better picture of this, maybe, but it will have to suffice for now. I hope someone likes it.

How am I doing? Well, ok, but had hoped to work through some things today still lingering from last October. I miss my mother and even forget sometimes she died and reach for the phone to call her. I wanted to speak to my daughter, but couldn't. My minister quit and my therapist has cancer. So, we'll settle for watching Willie Nelson on Sound Stage tonight.

So young for death,
We walk in shoes too big
But you play it like a poet,
Like you always did.
And I lay face upturned on the palm of God,
Pushed on by the fingertips of dreams,
They haunted me,
Consoling me.

And I would like to call, call it beauty,
Strained as love's become, it still amazes me
And I would like to call it beauty, ....

You slept a sigh like the angels speak,
And we danced into tomorrow on bleeding feet
And I had thought that I would die here
But you pushed me on,
You pushed me on,
You pushed me on

(Oh) And I would like to call it beauty,
Strained as love's become, it still amazes me
And I would like to call it beauty, ....

You can keep it all locked up in your leaden chest
Or you can lay mouth open on the water's edge
But all your angels and your God will stitch and wash you

Oh I would like to call, call it beauty,
Strained as love's become, it still amazes me
And I would like to call it beauty, ....

Songwriter - Corinne Bailey Rae

Keep The Faith

2010-03-15T13:58:00.004-10:00

Just a little mention that my computer is rotting from within and I can't stop it. I never know which of our users, or the alter egos I've created new accounts for, will work when I sit down. Right now I seem to be able to use IE on users other than mine or those other people I made up....

The word on what happened the other night with Toni Childs is out. It goes something like How'd you like that scene the other night, is that chick a bitch or what? And its coming from men, other musicians, many of whom apparently are not all that surprised.

This is a small place. And even though she's ensconced way back up in Kapahi, a beautifully peaceful upland part of the island, word gets out and around. I guess this is not the first time she has treated people like shit.

It's too bad, because she sings wonderful. Other than being too loud, herself, the music was really nice. I bet it would have been even better sitting in the parking lot. Like I said in my previous post, the house mix was too loud. Its a small little bar. And I guess maybe she thinks she's important enough to tell everyone to SHUT the F UP.

I suggest you get this album and listen to it. It shows more of her anger when she sings. Its much different than UNION. I think I understand now why she has musicians from Canada for her back up band because no one here wants to play with her. I wish her luck on her Australian Tour, although I can't picture a group of Aussies being quiet enough for a pin to drop.

I know last fall she toured with Jackson Browne, I don't suppose she tells him to Shut the F up. Oh, and I figured out what she said about her music. She said Some people hate it. So you can hate it or leave - or I guess you can hate it AND leave.

I've met many professional musicians while living here. The venues are not always ideal, shoot, Jackson Browne has played in less than adequate conditions many times. Its too bad she just didn't say I hope you like it.

It's hard to keep the faith
When all around you's falling
It's hard to keep the faith
When all around you's scared

But you can lean on me
If you need a friend
You can lean on me
Until the bitter end

Don't throw away your heart
Your soul your madness
Don't give up on yourself
Don't give in to your pain

The soul that is on fire
That is burring your desire
Don't give up boy you must believe
Come on believe

Songwriter - Toni Childs

Stop Your Fussin

2010-03-11T10:30:00.004-10:00

I saw Toni Childs last night. My husband and I went to Trees and saw her perform. It was an impromptu thing. Toni has been using Trees during the day when they are closed to rehearse for her Australian Tour, which starts next week. Apparently sometime early yesterday she decided she would perform one set there last night and the owner emailed a few people and sent out those tweets things to a few people. The result was a packed lounge, the usual drunks and a bunch of 50's and up fans.

She was very casual looking, came in and slid into a booth while her band did the set up. She had on some dowdy tan pants and tennis shoes with a baby doll tee shirt with stripes. She had a nice hair cut, about shoulder length and freshly cut into slight layers, which later on we could see was good for shaking her head around. She said that for all of us that didn't know who she was, she was Toni Childs, a Kapaa Town girl and all her music was original and either you hate it or - at which point she did a head flip of her hair.

Then she started singing. She sang Don't Walk Away first, then Where's The Ocean, then Stop Your Fussin. After that she screamed at the crowd about being too F-ing loud. She said it about 4 times, placing the F word in a different place each time. Then she played a song from her new CD I got for Christmas. After that she threw some more profanities at the audience and told one man he had an invitation from her to LEAVE. Another two songs from her new CD and then she very frustrated said the next song would be her last. I don't know it, she said it was from her NEXT CD and it was about Jackson, that's all I know, but it was real good!

I really enjoyed her, she sounded great! She told us she had moved to Kauai because she had Graves Disease and came here to heal and to follow the LOVE - and she pointed at the table where she had been sitting. She sounded very gracious, except for telling us to Shut the F Up numerous times. The house mix was definitely too loud. I think if she had her sound man turn that down, the noise in the room would have gone down. OR, if she really wanted to get people's attention she could have run some feedback through that thing, but all she did was scream at us. That part was unfortunate, but it didn't spoil the music.

She ran off stage after her last song and stood right behind my overstuffed swivel chair and complained to her groupies about how shitty it sounded and how awesome the whole show sounds in a good venue. We waited around awhile for the Hawaiian performer that was coming up next but it got too late. So we left. And there she was out in the parking lot, still ranting about the sound to her group of loyal followers.

I don't know what she expected. It was a BAR. Its good she is leaving today for Australia, because she would never make a living in Kapaa town.

Good luck Toni, you sound great, and thank you for performing for us for free, and putting up with the drunks.

Why you look so sad
When the sky is perfect blue
And you're getting everything
You ever wanted to.

Lets not talk about the bad times
We've been through that before

Stop your fussin
Just stop your fussin
For your time will come
Stop your fussin
Stop your fussin
For your time will come
For your time will come

Songwriter - Toni Childs

Disease

2010-03-09T13:11:00.003-10:00

I can't believe I got to my blog post page. Oh, and WHAT time did that happen? OK, maybe I had some help from higher power - or maybe it was just luck.

So, this computer has just about had it. It has be shutting off, giving me the blue screen of death and even worse, like one that looks like an autopsy telling me if I ever saw it before to call the system administrator. Hmm, that's ME, and I am running out of ideas. I did get some instructions to run OneCare from Microsoft, its on their website, you'll have to look it up, I'm not giving them any more publicity. Anyhow, after NINE hours of scanning, it found 8 things wrong, all malware and trojans, and 6 were removed and 2 were unable to be removed. Then it referred you to an encyclopedia that sounded like Orson Wells, full of enough stuff to scare me out a peaceful day that day. Then after restarting the computer the next morning (cause I just wore myself out and went to sleep), NOTHING worked at all. So, I did a system restore to before I did that. Oh, they act like its no big thing - if you don't get the results you want, you can just reverse it. SURE that's just what I want to do, TEN hours after I first started working on it.

I did note that all the infected files were located on my daughter's user I'm not going to be specific, but I could tell where they were. Of course, her words were Sorry about that. And I'm sure she is. But one would thing that after the computer just opened her email all on its own (I have no idea her password), that maybe she shouldn't go to sites that she has been told she may not go to. I mean, just last night when I was going to bed, I went into to close all the sites and make sure that all were logged out, and I noticed one that would not clear on the history list and so I double clicked and tried to delete, only to have it open her MySpace account, that she says she doesn't have.

She is so busy with school and afterschool projects, I can't imagine when she would have time to even go there. She is so sweet and pretty and she sang DAUGHTER's so pretty at Parents Night on Sunday, I want so much to enjoy this time with her. I want things to be good, I already have one daughter that limits my time with her, although right now I could use some advice from the older one.

Anyhow, there should be a video of the performance the other night, so let me know if you want a copy, I'll probably have to have it sent from the school. I don't know how contagious this computer is, no one has said they got the virus I have, but none of the virus things detect it, such as not McAfee, not Symantec, not Adaware not Malwarebytes, not CC Cleaner, not the diskscan on the computer, not the check thing on the computer, nothing. Just that Microsoft thing. Maybe its a conspiracy.

I got a disease
Deep inside me
Makes me feel uneasy baby
I can't live without you
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it
Keep your distance from it
Don't pay no attention to me
I got a disease

I think that I'm sick
But leave me be while my world is coming down on me
You taste like honey, honey
Tell me can I be your honey
Be, be strong
Keep telling myself it that won't take long till
I'm free of my disease
Yeah well free of my disease
Free of my disease

Lyrics - Matchbox 20 (Rob Thomas)

Hau'oli La Hanau

2010-03-02T14:37:00.005-10:00

Nothing on my computer works. It acts like it has one of those skin eating diseases. I wrote an email at 2 am and went to bed, all was working fine then. I woke up around 8 am to find it frozen on the Weather Site at the time of 6:32. And since there I can't type anything on line unless I have maybe an hour to wait for 3 letters at a time to load. I'll just have to type this in word and copy and paste it because I don't have time to look around today to try to fix it.

Today is my daughter's BIRTHDAY! Oh my goodness!
Anyhow, the usual thing is for her to ask one of her girlfriends to go to the movies or go shopping - or both - and then get ice cream. But after she got home from her weekend at the acting workshop she told me how nice it was to make all those new friends, many of them from the other high school on this island. She asked me last night if instead of going out if she could just have her birthday dinner and cake at home and invite Keala, one of her new friends to come. She said Keala was really talented and real nice and polite and they could play music together.

I thought, how nice she justs wants a simple birthday this year. So, I said I thought it was ok, but to check with Dad because he was really tired with all the work he was doing for the Diocese for their school self study.

So, when Dad got home she asked if Keala could come over for dinner and cake for her birthday. I thought my husband's reaction was odd. He said, "let me think about it". And I said to him, what's wrong, its easier than a frantic day worrying about what she is doing at the mall, and Keala is one of her new friends, I think it sounds nice she is making new friends. He then asked if I had met Keala and I said I hadn't. He said he had. I said well, what kind of kid is Keala? and he said A great kid....He's Jojo's SON.

Ah....I forgot the main rule in Hawaiian names. They are gender non specific.

Last I heard that was ok'd and is happening, so I don't have time to try to wait for this thing to find a song.

They say its your birthday
Happy Birthday To You!

I Feel The Earth Move

2010-03-01T12:43:00.006-10:00

I'm surprised I got to this just a little after noon my time. You may know there was a tsunami warning for Hawaii that started just about the time we were going to go to bed on Friday Night (11 pm approx) so we stayed up thinking the Pacific Tsunami Warning Center would cancel it, like they usually do, but in fact, it was first an advisory and then it went straight to a warning (with hurricanes it usually goes, advisory>>watch>>warning). Anyhow, by the time we knew it was a real warning, stores, gas stations were closed. And our emergency supply cabinet was used up as that is what we do during the off season (hurricane season starts next month through Nov) We were up until about 1 am making a little list of just a few things that we would need. Since we live high enough, 300 Ft above sea level we didn't have to worry about getting the direct impact if there was a wave or surge. BUT, everything that is necessary is around the edges and in the tsunami zone, such as stores, gas stations, the ROAD to get to any other place, the POWER company (stupid to build it on the beach) all county agencies and police, hospitals, etc.

So, we planned to get up early and go to the store. Well, the county I guess wanted to give us plenty of time to get stressed out (about something that really for personal danger only requires going to higher ground), so they set off the first alarm - a 2 minute shrill sounding just like and air raid siren, at 6 am, and every 1/2 hour after that. SO, even if a person was not all that worried about it and had enough time to move to higher ground if necessary, those sirens were just way too much. All the pets in the neighborhood were nuts, our cats were freaking out, the dogs were howling, and it was wearing on the nerves, even though we weren't afraid. Our daughter was in Kokee park which is the highest elevation on the island that one can drive to, she was there for her acting work shop. Even they were woke up at 6 am and told to call home. There is no cell phone reception up there and just ONE phone belonging to the Dept of Education that goes to the facility there where they were staying.

My husband went to the store after he made coffee - and good thing because he realized that if we were STUCK...he would run out. He was also going to try to get gas, but if they were open the lines were 1/2 mile long. So, we spent $100 we had not planned to spend this month, but it all seemed to go smooth. The store was busy but not over crowded, except that it was 6:30 in the morning.

He also told me that the outlook for the falls, which is at about 150 ft elevation was jammed packed full of tourists cars, people just sitting in them, waiting. Everyone was evacuated from the low lying areas. Actually, although nothing significant happened, the State of Hawaii has to be proud of how we evacuated every single person from every place below the 3rd level of a building in the entire street. The beach in Waikiki was completely empty!

So, after the waves went by, and it was cool to watch the sea level changes (about 3-4 feet) and some damage to at least one harbor on island of Maui, we passed out and slept from the All Clear at 2 pm until dinner about 7 pm. Needless to say we were exhausted. And then yesterday (Sunday) our daughter came home and she was full of energy and both my husband and I are still tired. That weird stress that comes from the "I don't know" part of it, I think just zaps your body. Plus everyone called to tell us, like people in Wisconsin and my brother in CA and my husband's kids. Not my kids though. My daughter called from Kokee to make sure we stayed home, and I left a message for my daughter in CA not to worry, besides she's been through this with us before about 15 years ago.

So I'm doing ok today. I just could have really done without the monthly 11:45 am test. It happens every month. But after hearing those sirens every half hour from 6 am to 11:30 am, I really think they might have been able to give us a break today, I mean, we definitely KNOW they work.

I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down
I feel my heart start to trembling
Whenever you're around

Oh, baby, when I see your face
Mellow as the month of May
Oh, darling, I can't stand it
When you look at me that way

I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down
I feel my heart start to trembling
Whenever you're around

Oh, darling, when you're near me
And you tenderly call my name
I know that my emotions
Are something that I just can't tame
I've just got to have you, baby

I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down, tumbling down
I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down, tumbling down

I just lose control
Down to my very soul
I get hot and cold all over

I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumbling down
Tumbling down
Tumbling down
Tumbling down
Tumbling down

Music and Lyrics - Carole King

There Is Love

2010-02-26T13:18:00.005-10:00

God gave us husbands because they have long arms.

Here they are! I bet they are still playable. Now watch your 15 year olds, you can't be too careful. If they are not smoking weed or hooking up, they MIGHT be dropping stuff down the lint trap in your dryer!

Sometimes being lazy has its good points. I took a huge stack of CD's out of this room and put them in the living room to file, but hadn't gotten to it yet. It was my good fortune THIS ONE was on the top!

Thank you Peter Paul and Mary for feeding my soul today! Everyone should always have at least one of their albums. I had my first one when I was about 12 years old!

He is now to be among you at the calling of your hearts
Rest assured this troubadour is acting on His part.
The union of your spirits, here, has caused Him to remain
For whenever two or more of you are gathered in His name
There is Love. There is Love.

Well, a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home
They shall travel on to where the two should be as one.
As it was in the beginning is now until the end
Woman draws her life from man and gives it back again.
And there is Love. There is Love.

Well, then what's to be the reason for becoming man and wife?
Is it Love that brings you here or Love that brings you life?
Or if loving is the answer, then who's the giving for?
Do you believe in something that you've never seen before?
Oh there's Love, oh there's Love.

Oh the marriage of your spirits here has caused Him to remain
For whenever two or more of you are gathered in His name
There is Love. Ah there's Love.

Music and lyrics by Noel Paul Stookey
- aka The Wedding Song

O Canada

2010-02-24T09:13:00.007-10:00

I am truly enjoying watching the 2010 Olympics. It looks so pretty and white, and the mountains are gorgeous. I guess its a little fantasy in there, as there have already been sad times, starting on the opening day. Last night was all sorts of skiing races, and the women's figure skating.

Oh Joannie, I watched you skate.

I stayed up late just so I could see you skate. I remember every move of the blades, your jumps, your turns, your spirals. I so admire you yet I couldn't help but cry all the way through your gorgeous program.

I don't know how you did it. I can't really imagine how you felt. It looked like when it was all over, your heart just burst and the contents of your heart just spilled out onto the ice.

That's how it still feels for me and it has been 4 months. Its not any easier now than it was the day my mother died. Sometimes it seems my heart gets patched up and I limp along, messing everything up along the way. And I don't realize it. I'm just not here. And then when it gets too much it just bursts again.

Oh, I miss my mother. I miss her presence in my life. She has really been gone a long long time, maybe 7 years, maybe more - its just recently that her body left.

I wish I could ice skate my pain away.

O Canada, glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

Ruler Supreme! who hearest humble prayer,
Hold thy Dominion in thy loving care;
Help us to find, Oh God, in thee,
A lasting rich reward.
As waiting for the Better Day,
We ever stand on guard.

O Canada, Glorious and free! Amen

Till It Happens To You

2010-02-22T13:26:00.008-10:00

I have ONE biscotti left. Its in a baggie, surrounded by cushy blue tissue, in the box it came it. I made a good cup of Ethiopia Sidamo Coffee, put in a little fresh nutmeg and was reaching for the golden biscotti when I changed my mind. I want to have that last one on a good day - on a great day - on a day when I can enjoy all the love and hard work that went into the baking of those little bits of joy. So back into the box it went, until that day.

That day obviously wasn't today, I suppose I don't even need to put that. But since I have a speaking and thus a typing style called circumstantiality, you get all the details, from leading up to, and what may have lead up to the leading up to time and what and so on until I've driven you nuts. Mostly its men who can't stand this. So, might be any time now, all the men readers drop off anyhow, so I can say just about anything I want about them.

For starters, my husband is mad at me. Lets see, the latest reason was because our daughter broke the dryer. Now, WHY would that be my fault. Well, the obvious would be that she came OUT of MY vagina, wouldn't it? But its more complex than that. Its because SHE dropped a package of steel guitar strings (a full set) down the lint trap in the dryer and then tried to turn it on and blew out the lights and everything on the back side of the house. Now, that sounds like its my fault, don't you think? I mean, she's 15 next week. Shouldn't she be able to do her OWN laundry without me standing there? And if I was there, I would have said to just leave all that stuff there on the WASHER alone. Because I found out later that there was in fact a neat pile about 10" high of my HUSBAND's STUFF, ie: music and a couple CD's and 2 packages of guitar strings. Apparently she pushed it all over onto the dryer and did her wash and then when she pulled out the lint filter in her flippant way, the guitar stings just jumped in. I DON'T KNOW how they got in there. And, you know what, its NOT MY FAULT. There! Papers and CD's and guitar strings should not be stored on the washer and dryer.

What if between the car and the door to the house there was a STOVE? Would a man STILL put his important stuff on there? I suppose even if it was a toilet he probably would - cause its right there BY the door. I give up.

Part 2 - Other MEN that REALLY annoy the shit out of me: This honor currently goes to the right Reverend Chris Schwab. How many of them can there be - who knows - if the shoe fits, and he wears shoes, he's a mainland dork - well, how's that go? if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it must be a duck... His holier than thou, put your quarter in the slot style of being a supposed minister just plain sucks! I was politer than that the other day, however I was less pissed off too. He has since proven he is basically a you know what. You know what he has on his mind? MONEY. Can you believe his first sermon of Lent was called First Sunday of Lent - First Fruits. He is a greedy, selfish, educated but stupid YOUNG man. He may have 10 years expience in counseling, he has told me that at least a half dozen times, but Uh Huh is not what I want to hear from a man that gets 70K a year to be the minister of a dwindling congregation of about 120 people. He seems to not notice more and more people NOT showing up. I wonder why? He wants us to increase what we give. Excuse me, but my rent just went up 25% and I have no idea where that is coming from. He wants to educate people on stewardship. I think he should educate him self on HUMILITY before he hardens into one of those big crystalized pile of dog shit! Oh, did I say something improper? Something offensive? No, I don't think so, I'm not stating it as fact, its my opinion. He is full of shit. And the worst part of that is, he's the only one who can't smell it.

So, I am done for now, but I'll be back :-) I can't let Chris Schit occupy space in my brain that he hasn't paid rent for. Hey Chris - Have a peaceful day.

Moving along the road of life, I'm looking forward to watching the Olympics tonight. I think the only man on mind at the moment is Apolo Ono...

I love the lyrics in this song that I have bolded. Listen to this song sometime and tell me if you ever had something like that happen in your life.

I know what I said
Was heat of the moment
But theres a little truth in between the words we've spoken
Its a little late now to fix the heart thats broken
Please don't ask me where I'm going
Cause I don't know
No I don't know anymore

It used to feel like heaven
Used to feel like may
I used to hear those violins playing heart strings like a symphony
Now they've gone away
Nobody wants to face the truth
But you wont believe what love can do
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you

Went to the old flat
Guess I was trying to turn the clock back
How come that nothing feels the same now when I'm with you
We used to stay up all night in the kitchen
When our love was new
Oooh love I'm a fool to believe in you
Cause I don't know
No I don't know
Anymore

It used to feel like heaven
It used to feel like may
I used to hear those violins playing heart strings like a symphony
Now they've gone away
Nobody wants to know the truth
Until their hearts broken
Don't you dare tell them
What you think to do
Till they get over
You can only learn these things
From experience
When you get older
I just wish that someone would have told me
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you
Till it happens to you

Music and Lyrics - Corinne Bailey Rae

I’d Do It All Again

2010-02-18T12:05:00.015-10:00

Oh my, my computer hates me, and I can't fix it. That's why I haven't been here. I'm still using Mozilla, but now it only works on my husband's user. Something is eating this computer but I can't find it, and I have tried everything I can find, short of starting over which I guess is called reinstalling the operating system because this computer has 7 years worth of stuff and I can't find the CD to do that and I don't want to pay Dell $32 shipping to Fed Ex me a $20 flash drive when they could mail it first class for less than $2.

So, some happy stuff, first off I am back to doing my Yoga and getting stronger. And a funny thing is that my daughter came home from KPAC the other day and said that she can't do these lift kicks with the gorgeous guy dancers because her legs just don't know how to FAN, that it was real hard. And I said, LIKE THIS? and did it sitting in my chair here and she said HOW CAN YOU DO THAT? I told her that I had taken ballet when I was young and that I have done Yoga all my life, which is almost 5 times longer than hers. So, anyhow, I am working with her, she even did my Yoga with me and the whole time I was talking her through it and she was out of breath and yelling at me that the stuff I was doing was impossible for her, maybe because her legs were too long, she suggested.

Anyways, that was actually a nice day. I felt better because I was off those Statins! Then last Saturday was her Military Ball and she had her best friend come over and they got ready together and I just let her do whatever she wanted, like go through all my jewelry - and leave it out all over the place, causing my husband to acutally notice that I had WAY too much of it - but it was fun. No, I don't have any photos, she got ready and left and wouldn't wait for me to take a picture. But she had a great time and came home thrilled about it all. And there will be pictures at some point, her friend took some.

So Saturday was good, at least until while trying to diagnose my computer I found out that she had logged into two sites that she is not allowed to go to. Not just looked at them, but actually logged in. I decided not to tell her that night when she got home because I knew or at least hoped that she would come home happy. The next day was Valentines Day and I am now going to officially join the club that thinks that day is the worst day of the year. It is stressful and one feels that they should be doing something lovey dovey because that's what we are told by card, jewelry and flower sellers. But frankly, it was a difficult day for me.

And to go along with that, Rev. Chris Schwab is just not getting it for me. He left me out in the cold when my mother died. He is spiritually empty, and extremely lacking in comforting ministerial ways, but you can't tell him that because he gets mad and yells at me. He is younger than my son and far less intelligent, like maybe 1/4 as intelligent, if that much. He brags that he has 10 years of experience. Yes, maybe so, over there on the mainland, but he can't relate to people here on this little island. He is not a Kahu, no way comes anywhere near to ever being allowed to use that title. At this point, I will stop just short of calling him a jerk, and that's only because he is so young (and so full of himself)

So back to our Valentines Day. My husband cut some pretty flowers from the garden, and picked fresh papaya from the tree, and in doing that, he accidentally knocked down a green one that hit him in the lip. That might have been karma and only he knows what I am talking about. But it took all day into evening until I opened the card. I don't think anyone could ask for someone to be a more caring partner than he is. But we're not soul mates. He knows that. I know that. I'm not sure I ever had a soul mate. I thought so once, but that didn't work out. So like I said, I could do without Valentine's Day.

Here - I just got this CD, THE SEA. It is so gorgeous. This song is stunning. Thank god I have music.

Ooh, you’re searching for something I know, won’t make you happy
Ooh, you’re thirsting for something I know, won’t make you happy
Ooh, you did it all again, you broke another skin
It’s hard to believe this time, hard to believe
That my heart, my heart’s an open door
You got all you came for, baby
So weary, someone to love is bigger than your pride’s worth
Is bigger than the pain you got for it hurts
And out runs all of the sadness
It’s terrifying, life, through the darkness

And I’d do it all again, I’d do it all again
I’d do it all again, I’d do it all again
You try sometimes but it won’t stop
You got my heart and my head’s lost, ooh yeah
I’ve been burning down these candles for love, for love
So weary, someone to love is bigger than your pride
Ooh, someone to love, mm, someone to love
Someone to love
Ooh, you’re searching for something I know, won’t make you happy
Ooh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZfp7Txyk_Y

Corinne Bailey Rae - Beautiful music and lyrics

A Horse With No Name

2010-02-10T14:35:00.010-10:00

OK, first off, I'm using Mozilla Browser and I not all that familiar with it, already I see somethings are different.

Next, WHERE THE HELL HAVE I BEEN for the last few days, ugh, I think in HELL. Geez, detoxing from Simvastatin, otherwise known as Zocor. ALL I have got to say, well, not all, but to sum it up, if you are not sick, you don't feel sick, you are active and happy and going along the road of life just fine, and you get an offer from your Health Insurance Provider for a free physical and the doctor says you have high cholesterol and you are going to die from a heart attack unless you take a cholesterol lowering medication - RUN.

What a complete fool I was to just take the word of a Primary Care Provider MD that it was absolutely necessary that I take this medication. What a pile of horseshit! While it may not be healthy for some people to have high cholesterol, I would say it is better to have good quality of life. What good is low cholesterol when you can't move because you have rib cage cramps one day, leg cramps another day, fingernails growing weird and breaking for no reason, hot flashes when you are SO DONE with menopause, a neck ache another day, suspicions that a teen in the house used your hair shine conditioner and diluted it because your hair no longer shines and now is starting to fall out, getting heart palpitations when you go to the mail box, not being able to remember what it was you went into the kitchen and turned the water on to do, feeling like you are going to pass out from not eating, even though you ate an hour before, red patches of who knows what on your skin, and the worst, your already thin arms looking like you were the recipient of a gastric bypass surgery and you lost 70 pounds in the last month, only you haven't lost any weight, because you were not fat, and the more you try to increase your weight lifting reps, it makes no difference.

And what makes this even worse is when you finally figure it out. Like when you go into the lab to get your blood checked to see what's up with this so called high cholesterol and its fasting, so you get there early and the lab is behind and all the Filipinas are talking Ilicano real fast and you have to sit there, HUNGRY for an hour and they finally take you in and they can't find your vein, even though you have had maybe 600 blood tests in your life and you KNOW where your good vein is, and the chick is slapping your arm then just poking around with the needle and then it gets sorta hazy and she starts to say something about ARE YOU OK? and the next thing you know you are surrounded by half a dozen people dressed in hospital garb and and you have something cold on your head, even though it is freezing already and there is a high pitched buzzing type alarm going off and someone tells you to drink water; only then do you realize that all these strange symptoms for the last 3 months are all connected to this STATIN drug.

STATINS are extremely dangerous drugs. They may even be deadly. What good is it to have a number that is low, when EVERYTHING else in you life feels like shit.

I called my doctor Monday morning and left a message that I had stopped taking them the night before, and the nurse said he was busy for the next 10 hours. Anyhow, when he called me back, was he nice? NO. He told me that if I didn't take the drug I would have High Cholesterol. I said, well, I would rather die happy and MOBILE running along the beach, than sit in a wheel chair with LOW Cholesterol. I said I had done a lot of research and talked to people and I found out there are all sorts of people that have horrid health problems from taking Simvastatin. He asked where I heard that. I said from friends, and also I looked on line. He said, Ah that's what I figued, you know, not everything on the Internet is true. YOUR KIDDING? Really? What about books? Is everything in books true? STUPID! Of course not. But I didn't read things like supposed studies or articles. I read message boards and blogs of people asking for help with all sorts of different health issues. And what did they ALL have in common? The ALL took STATINS. I just don't think that is 6 people trying to pull off a conspiracy plot against the drug companies.

You know - when my doctor told me to take this drug, and I went to pick it up at SAFEWAY, there was NO CHARGE, it was FREE. For 3 months, the prescription was free. I asked why, and twice got an I don't know response, but the 3rd time I found out that the insurance company had made a deal with the drug company to get people to take that drug, so they had a promotion. Well, how bout that? Doctor's are PILL PUSHERS. Wouldn't it be better, since I am thin, don't smoke, don't eat fatty food, and the only thing I have is a genetic predisposition to high cholesterol, to maybe work out a HEALTHY LIVING PLAN? NO, that would be TOO EASY. I mean, a doctor could still charge you for an office visit to check in with you to see how your PLAN was working for you. Oh shit. You know, I am seriously thinking this $6K a year health insurance is a waste of money. I bet I could go to my acupuncturist and pay for treatments that would have a beneficial effect for my whole body.

The detox from this was horrid. I had a headache that felt like my head was just to small for all the stuff inside it, like my eyeballs were going to pop out. I had ringing in my ears and a spasmed neck along with extreme sweating and the shakes. Shoot, I should have been a crack addict, I think I might have actually felt a little better.....

In the mean time, while I was gone, I do feel like I been where this stupid song says, even though I never knew where that was!

On the first part of the journey,
I was looking at all the life.
There were plants and birds. and rocks and things,
There was sand and hills and rings.
The first thing I met, was a fly with a buzz,
And the sky, with no clouds.
The heat was hot, and the ground was dry,
But the air was full of sound.

I've been through the desert on a horse with no name,
It felt good to be out of the rain.
In the desert you can remember your name,
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain.
La, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la
La, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la

After two days, in the desert sun,
My skin began to turn red.
After three days, in the desert fun,
I was looking at a river bed.
And the story it told, of a river that flowed,
Made me sad to think it was dead.

You see I've been through the desert on a horse with no name,
It felt good to be out of the rain.
In the desert you can remember your name,
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain.
La la, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la
La la, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la

After nine days, I let the horse run free,
'Cause the desert had turned to sea.
There were plants and birds, and rocks and things,
There was sand and hills and rings.
The ocean is a desert, with its life underground,
And a perfect disguise above.
Under the cities lies, a heart made of ground,
But the humans will give no love.

You see I've been through the desert on a horse with no name,
It felt good to be out of the rain.
In the desert you can remember your name,
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain.

La la, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la
La la, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la
La la, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la
La la, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la
La, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la
La la, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la
La, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la
La la, la, la la la la, la la la, la, la

That last little refrain there is for the DOCTOR who I think lives in LALA LAND.

By someone named Dewey Bunnell

Post with no name yet - no STATINS

2010-02-09T01:03:00.007-10:00

I don't have a name for this yet, but I just have to say that I am right now going through horrid withdrawal from taking statin drugs. Those would be drugs that your doctor tells you that you must take because your blood cholesterol level is high.

**Note** 5:30 pm and I had a real hard day - you would think I'd been shooting up or something the withdrawls are so bad. I have a really bad headache, shakes, stiff - VERY - neck, etc. But I've had a distraction; at about 8:45 am Internet Explorer just stopped working. It said it was at a certain page, but nothing showed up and the page never loaded. I spent the day trying to fix various things, you name it I tried it. Finally remembered that I had Mozilla on here somewhere but couldn't find it, so typed in SEARCH COMPUTER and found it, imported everything from IE and now learning this. It is different, but not that hard so far - and I really can't think so good. *** Please keep reading....

I just have to say that I am relieved that I finally figured it out but that it is appalling that doctors buy into this stuff and believe everything the drug companies tell them. I went into the doctor last year because I needed a referral for the dermatologist and I couldn't get one without getting a physical, which I thought would be ok because it was free. Well, then the doctor said that I couldn't have the referral unless I agreed to take Simvastatin because my cholesterol was high. Now, let me point out that the only thing my doctor used to evaluate that was the number. He did not use my lifestyle. I have no markers for heart disease. No one in my family has ever had it. In fact, my father and his brothers are in mid to late 80's and my mother lived to 80 and the only thing left working on her WAS her heart. It just stopped beating because her BRAIN was fried and forget to tell it to beat one day.

She had dementia. No one knows how she got it. But I remember back a couple decades ago she was given Cholesterol medication. Then that made her blood pressure high, so they gave her medication for that. Then that made her Thyroid go wonky so they gave her medication for that. All of a sudden my mother couldn't think straight, yet they kept giving her more and more medication. Actually it was medication to counteract the side effects from other medication that she really didn't need. In the end, my mother lived 3 years on NO medication and nothing at all was left working on her except her heart.

Also, I had no illness when I originally went to the doctor, just a mole that I needed removed from the dermatologist. I felt FINE. Not so once I started taking that drug. And I want to point out that I eat a plant based diet, I do not eat fried food or junk food or meat or cheese, just mostly fruit and vegies and tofu and brown rice and oatmeal. I do yoga every day and lift weights (small weights, 5 pounds). But my body started getting all sorts of weird things that stupidly I attributed to it being cold, to me being maybe still upset from my mother's death, to maybe being hot flashes from my age, to maybe a stomach ache. Of course, when I called my doctor to tell him I was stopping the drug, he said that I should have told him I was having side effects. I said, I AM telling you, I JUST figured it all out.

The worst part was in the last couple weeks I notice that I have super dry skin and patches of red bumps and the worst, no matter how much weight lifting I did, it looks like I lost 30 pounds, and its muscle wasting. Just go ahead and look this stuff up any place. Of course, when I mentioned to my doctor that I found others reported these symptoms, he said where did I see that and I said on line and he said YOU KNOW NOT EVERYTHING ON THE INTERNET IS TRUE. I told him that of course I know that, just like not every book you read is true. But when I type in a symptom and it already comes up after I type in one or two words, it comes up in google, then someone else has looked for that as well. And I just don't believe it is a conspiracy to find all these different people all over the world asking about these symptoms that are really debilitating.

I'm not done with this, and maybe I'll erase it, but that's it for tonight. At least I wrote what was on my mind.

By the way, if you are related to me, and you have not had your cholesterol checked, you might want to just figure that you have the gene for it and adjust your lifestyle and eating habits.

Also, Heather, I heard you just went to my dads, thank you. I heard you got the chamber pot, I hope you keep that, it was the first antique YOUR dad ever bought for me. I always loved that.

Rhiannon

2010-02-05T10:51:00.007-10:00

Something I wanted to say on Monday, but that was my parent's anniversary so I put it off. I did however mention it to a friend the next day.

Sunday night my husband and I watched the Grammy's. We thought the live talent would be pretty good and also some nominee's. It was nice to see Beyonce get an award right off the start, she is beautiful and an outstanding singer as well as dancer.

Then it turned into Taylor Swift night. Now, let me just say that Taylor seems like a sweet girl and she is pretty. But, since she turned up on the scene and I heard her on a few shows singing with just her guitar, one thing became very apparent to me - she cannot sing. She is tone deaf, she can't stay on pitch and it has driven me crazy for oh, a year now I guess. I felt sorry for her when Kanye pulled that stunt on her and frankly I did feel that Single Woman was a better video, however it was the MTV awards and young people watch that, so it was fine that Taylor won.

However for her to go on and win everything all year, just wasn't right. It seems just plain obvious that Taylor can't sing unless she is highly produced. And the insult to end all insults was what she did to Rhiannon. Why couldn't she sing that on her own. Its not a huge stretch at all. I mean, you don't need technical help to make a 3 1/2 step jump - All your life - that's 3 1/2 steps. Thank God Stevie was there to cover for her and keep singing with her for the rest of the song. And don't tell me that even Stevie doesn't sing that part of the song now, that her back up singers do. Even if they sometimes do and sometimes don't, Stevie Nicks sings it on pitch. That kind of thing is in your brain. You could have fish stuffed in your ears and still hit the correct notes. It is something your brain does, that's what makes a good singer, be it alto, soprano, or in between with a half octave range. Taylor could not stay on key. Her "people" have tried to shut this up, but I see I was right when I said to my husband, "ouch that was way off". They have said she had technical problems. Well, I could understand if she sang the whole song out of key, then I would say she couldn't hear in the monitors. But instead she was pitchy, and when she tried to sing that first refrain on her own, it went out of the park and into the gutter. What a mess. Oh, she is only 18. So? Oh, she is a virgin.

That must be IT. That's the IT FACTOR nowadays. If you walk into a studio and say you WILL NOT sleep with anyone then all of a sudden their ears stop working right. Hmmm. Things have changed in the last 30 years. It used to be the other way around. You had to sleep with some one to get them to listen to your record. The ironic part of the whole thing is that, low and behold, those that slept their way to stardom, STILL had better voices. They didn't have ear monitors, they were lucky to have two floor monitors on the stage.

This is how a 20 something year old SHOULD SOUND SINGING LIVE.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tR_i0sKWKEA

Even stoned and wired, she is still on pitch. This might be why no one else has tried to cover this song. I think you just have to be Stevie Nicks to sing Rhiannon

This is a song about an old Welsh Witch

Rhiannon rings like a bell thru the night
And wouldn't you love to love her?
She rules her life like a bird in flight
And who will be her lover?

All your life you've never seen
A woman , taken by the wind
Would you stay if she promised you heaven?
Will you ever win?

Rhiannon
Rhiannon
Rhiannon

She is like a cat in the dark
And then she is the darkness
She rules her life like a fine skylark
And when the sky is starless

Once in a million years
A lady like her rises
Oh Rhiannon you cried
But she's gone in your life
Knows no answer
In your life there's no answer

Dreams unwind
Love's a state of mind

Dreams unwind
Love is hard to find

All the same
All the same
Rhiannon
All the same
All the same
Rhiannon
Dreams unwind

Rhiannon

Fleetwood Mac

I'm Not Gonna Beg ( This Old House)

2010-02-04T10:21:00.018-10:00

I got an email from my daughter yesterday. Well, actually it was a forward of the Craig's Listing of my house I used to live in back in Ca in Rio Del Mar, which is Aptos.

First off, I need some time to pick out the right song for this, so it just has a working title for now. ** OK...I put this song on here because it was the one playing as I typed that last line of the story.

Then I should probably say that any pictures I post here on my blog are from the listing, if you would like to buy this 3/4 of a million dollar baby. I'll even put the listing here: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/scz/reb/1584681923.html.

And if you would like to take a video tour, the realtor has one, but be forewarned, if you were in the house when I lived in it, this will shock you, you can see it here: http://db.stellamedia.com/dl/?video=tour326&agent=joell_mower

But what a crock of shit that video narrative is. It says, if the walls could talk, Clark Gable is said to have slept here. Bull shit. Clark Gable never left the house he lived in with Carole Lombard, his 3rd wife who was killed in a plane crash. He moved his next two wives into the home he had owned with Carole and never got over her. He did not stay in this house. If you listen to the video tour, I think they might mean that he stayed in the Rio Del Mar area.

Oh, my house, how sad. It was a beautiful big old farmhouse style 2 story with charm, and I put a lot of love into it. My best friend rented it for me after I crashed his car into some smart ass teen who pulled out of Tortilla Flats driveway without looking. My daughter and I lived there for about 7 months in the first part of 1986, she even transferred to Rio Del Mar Elementary School. He lived in Oregon and came down on the weekends to visit. We spent hours and hours sitting at my big oak kitchen table playing poker. I'm good. He's a professional. I beat him once. But while I was recuperating from that awful accident we lived there and my favorite thing was to sit for hours and play poker. Sometimes it went on from morning until late at night, just me and him.

The house was cozy, although it gets real cold there in Aptos. It is always foggy. But that's why it was so nice to go out on the front lawn, to sit in the sun. Back in 1986 the heating bill ran over $400 a month from P. G. and E. We had some kook environmentalist landlord who wouldn't let me put up curtains unless they were environmental cotton. Dick - that's was his name, and, he fit it too. I couldn't use any cleanser to clean, I had to use vinegar. I am certain he must have sold it because it now looks like it is straight out of Midnight In the Garden of Good and Evil

Here is one of the photos from the listing. First off, I do not believe the sky was that blue. It is always foggy there all day, and I believe that the sky is painted in. Never the less, if it WAS sunny that day, here is what looks like.

My gawd, that veranda thing, that supposedly evokes images of yesteryear is from 2006! It was never on the house before that. Look at that picture and try to just remove the veranda with your eyes and see the farmhouse behind that ugly wrap around eyesore!

Here is the cool thing. I have a video, a 1/2 hour video taken Mother's Day, May 11, 1986 of the inside and outside of that house. It just so happened that my friend's sister was visiting with her really strange husband, and they had a brand new video camera, they wanted to try it out so they took a tour of inside and outside the entire house. It is a fun video, it is more than just a tour, it is a 1/2 hour piece of my life from 24 years ago. Its so strange that now, I can look at that, so many years later and see what a beautiful home it was in its pure state.

And best of all, I see my good friend, all the little quirks about him that I loved. And one last thing - at least 1/2 of the video was taken by my then 3rd grade daughter. When she wasn't jumping around and doing flips for the camera she was behind it telling me to Give us a kiss Mom.

I wish I would have.....

I'm not gonna beg you for nothing
I'm not gonna beg you for your love

Straight talk, give me the straight talk
Tell me what's on your mind if it ain't love
I'm not gonna beg you for nothing
I'm not gonna beg you for your love

Scared now, what are you scared of?
Afraid I might fall on my knees and break down?
I'm not gonna beg you for nothing
I'm not gonna beg you for your love

Don't you think you can take me for a pretty little ride
I know "once upon a time" and "ever after" is a lie
I'm not gonna beg
I'm not gonna beg
I'm not gonna beg you for nothing at all

There's nothing I want from you
Nothing you can say or do
There is nothing I want for you say anyway

I'm not gonna beg you for nothing
I'm not gonna beg you for your love

Music and Lyrics - Natalie Merchant

Ke Kali Nei Au

2010-02-01T13:52:00.008-10:00

As the story goes, my mother got engaged right out of high school. Her mother told her it would not be proper etiquette for a young lady to be engaged for less than six months and thus she may not be married until February of the following year.
She chose Feb 1, 1948.

This is the moment
I' ve waited for.
I can hear my heart singing.
Soon bells will be ringing.

This is the moment
Of sweet Aloha.
I will love you longer than forever.
Promise me that you will leave me never.
Here and now, dear,
All my love I vow dear.

Promise me that you will leave me never.
I will love you longer than forever.

Now that we are one,
Clouds won't hide the sun.
Blue skies of Hawaii smile
On this, our wedding day.

I do love you
With all my heart.

English lyrics by Al Hoffman and Dick Manning

Hawaiia lyrics - Charles King

A he hali`a kai hiki mai
No ku`u lei onaona
Pulupe i ka ua

As you know, my mother didn't make it to this year. Never the less, it is a date I remember.

Taxman

2010-01-31T02:23:00.009-10:00

Full Moon, 97% of the Moon is Illuminated. It is 65.2 degrees. I'm freezing! AND I'm awake at 2 am. I passed out all during SNL and a DVD called Experience Hendrix produced by Joni or Julie or Jenny Hendrix, some post mortem adopted step sister who owns the estate. Anyhow, it sounded good in my sleep, but I'll have to watch it later on after I get some sleep. I'm pretty sure its going to rain again all day tomorrow. So, I'm sitting here waiting to get tired, listening to the Savannah Radio Show Interview from 2 weeks ago.

HEATHER - Victor emailed it to you via MP3 file, so look for that. Please let me know you got it.

So, why am I awake? Well, I did my taxes Saturday morning and mailed them off. Its not all that hard, they just have some absurd instructions, a lot of STUPID stuff that if they would just say on line 1, if you don't owe any tax, don't bother filling out the 73 spaces below. And, shit, had to fill out this one form to get the $13 left over from the Child Tax Credit, so its the ADDITIONAL tax credit, and I had to put my adjusted gross income then subtract $3000 then multiply that by 15 percent. And they put this - (.15) for dummies. Then put the result of that in the next box. Then subtract that result from line 2, if it is less than zero, put the amount on line 1 down at the BOTTOM of the PAGE.

I still have not figured out why I had to subtract $3000 from my AGI and then multiply by 15% because that came to $5K or something, so duh, $13 is less! Stupid, waste of time forms. Why couldn't I just subtract the difference, which I did on line 2 and it was $13. Why would minus 3000 times 15 percent make a difference? Who would it make a difference for - maybe someone with 12 kids? I'm glad that's done for this year.

Let me tell you how it will be;
There's one for you, nineteen for me.
'Cause I'm the taxman,
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

Should five per cent appear too small,
Be thankful I don't take it all.
'Cause I'm the taxman,
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

(if you drive a car, car;) - I'll tax the street;
(if you try to sit, sit;) - I'll tax your seat;
(if you get too cold, cold;) - I'll tax the heat;
(if you take a walk, walk;) - I'll tax your feet.

Taxman!

'Cause I'm the taxman,
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

Don't ask me what I want it for, (ah-ah, mister Wilson)
If you don't want to pay some more. (ah-ah, mister heath)
'Cause I'm the taxman,
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

Now my advice for those who die, (taxman)
Declare the pennies on your eyes. (taxman)
'Cause I'm the taxman,
Yeah, I'm the taxman.

And you're working for no one but me.

Taxman!

George Harrison

Hot Legs

2010-01-27T14:05:00.004-10:00

Yesterday my husband calls me about 3:30 to ask where our daughter is. I said I didn't know, why didn't he know. He couldn't remember. I told him to get that phone number to that little phone she carries around and call it and find out. Pretty soon she calls up and tells me that she is right around the corner and she told Dad that at breakfast and MOM, Dad has lost it.

So, she gets comes home about an hour later, just like she told me she would. She then proceeds to tell me that she got a really cool dress that used to fit Coral until her butt got too big, and pulls this wadded up piece of material out of her backpack. I hesitate a bit, WAITING for the REST of it, but that's it - 20 INCHES of material. She says that Aunty Wendy thinks it would look good for Military Ball. (Aunty Wendy, who is not related, thinks Aunty Wendy looks good, so nothing she says is of any value)

I then have to explain how, yes its a nice USED dress, it would be fine for a Garden Party, ala Ricky Nelson, or maybe a beach party, but she is not wearing THAT dress to Military Ball. First off, I had to explain what happens when one tries to dance in a strapless dress. Then I told her, that her escort that took 3 weeks to ask her would be extremely uncomfortable when there was nothing but skin when he was to put his hand on her back or dance with her. She argued that it was cool looking. Yes, real cool, as in COLD, if the weather keeps up like this. I really was not in the mood to argue, just put my foot down and said THAT DRESS is NOT going to the Military Ball! End of discussion.

You got legs right up to your neck
You're making me a physical wreck
I'm talking to you
Hot legs, in your satin shoes
Hot legs, are you still in school
Hot legs, you're making me a fool
I love you honey

Hot legs, making your mark
Hot legs, keep my pencil sharp
Hot legs, keep your hands to yourself
I love you honey
Hot legs, you're wearing me out
Hot legs, you can scream and shout
Hot legs, you're still in school
I love you honey

Rod Stewart

Octopus's Garden

2010-01-26T15:02:00.007-10:00

I have a large and lush garden. Lots of grass, lots of trees, lots of flowers, lots of color. Every place you look there are plants. Plants by the stairs, flowers by the wire fence, flowers and lush grass by the mail box, flowers by the garbage can.

It is a large lot too. Plenty of room for wild life and my own pets. They all can enjoy the same huge yard. So, I share these photos with you. It seems one of these cats might have an inferiority complex.

See her there, in the sticks? She's not dead....

I wonder what's going on? With all that big beautiful space, is the grey cat just trying to match her surroundings?

Or, maybe this cat can't stand her?

I'd like to be under the sea
In an octopus's garden in the shade
He'd let us in, knows where we've been
In his octopus's garden in the shade

I'd ask my friends to come and see
An octopus's garden with me
I'd like to be under the sea
In an octopus's garden in the shade

We would be warm below the storm
In our little hideaway beneath the waves
Resting our head on the sea bed
In an octopus's garden near a cave

We would sing and dance around
Because we know we can't be found
I'd like to be under the sea
In an octopus's garden in the shade

We would shout and swim about
The coral that lies beneath the waves
(Lies beneath the ocean waves)
Oh what joy for every girl and boy
Knowing they're happy and they're safe
(Happy and they're safe)

We would be so happy you and me
No one there to tell us what to do
I'd like to be under the sea
In an octopus's garden with you
In an octopus's garden with you
In an octopus's garden with you

Beatles
(wonder what this REALLY means...)

OH BLA DI OH BLA DA

2010-01-25T12:43:00.003-10:00

GLEN BECK IS COMPLETELY INSANE

Well, I didn't know what I would write about today, or if I even would. I turned on the tv, just to see what time it was, actually. Anyhow, on my way to the scrolling guide that has the TIME on it, I passed Fox and there was Glen Beck, and he had his big black board out there and he was putting up the lyrics of THE BEATLES song REVOLUTION. (Don't people use a White Board nowadays?) He wrote everything out. Wrote the word Revolution then took his chalk eraser and erased the R and then pointed to the word Evolution and frankly then he lost me because he sounded like maybe he had a couple of Roxies before he started his show.

He actually said that The Beatles had it all figured out way back then, about changing the constitution and the stuff in our heads. Apparently he listened to it while learing to crawl and walk as a toddler, I guess.... He just kept saying how they had figured it all out back then.

Funny, he forgot to say they were also taking large amounts of LSD and Lennon in particular, was taking Heroin, and Lennon is singing the song?

Huh? Glen? Glen?

Maybe next week he can explain what The Beatles had figured out when they wrote THIS song, particularly the second to the last line.......

Desmond has a barrow in the market place,
Molly is the singer in a band,
Desmond says to Molly-girl I like your face,
And Molly says this as she takes him by the hand.

Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on there,
Lala how the life goes on,
Obladi oblada life goes on there,
Lalala how life goes on.

Desmond takes a trolly to the jewellers store,
Buys a twenty carat golden ring,
Takes it back to Molly waiting at the door,
And as he gives it to her she begins to sing.

Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on there,
Lala how the life goes on,
Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on there,
Lala how the life goes on.

In a couple of years they have built,
A home sweet home,
With a couple of kids running in the yard,
Of Desmond and Molly Jones.

Happy ever after in the market place,
Desmond lets the children lend a hand,
Molly stays at home and does her pretty face,
And in the evening she still sings it with the band.

Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on there,
Lala how the life goes on,
Ob-la-di ob-la-da life goes on there,
Lala how the life goes on.

In a couple of years they have built,
A home sweet home,
With a couple of kids running in the yard,
Of Desmond and Molly Jones.

Happy ever after in the market place,
Molly lets the children lend a hand,

Desmond stays at home and does his pretty face,
And in the evening she's a singer with the band.

Lennon/McCartney

Company (Reprise)

2010-01-22T11:56:00.005-10:00

Oh, this is one of those days I wish I could call my mother. Actually, I would call and hang up and she would call back. But when things just got bass ackwards and too much shit going on from too many angels, I could just talk to my mother, maybe about what type of stitch a certain type of seam would need or what ingredients went into cranberry bread, stuff like that.

When the hurricane happened here 17 years ago, the thing that upset me more than losing my car, job, half my house and all civilized means of sanitation, was the fact that I could not get in touch with my mother. And when I lived in CA, even when I wasn't in the same town, I would drive 2 hours just to spend some time with her. Actually, I drove even further sometimes, I think it was almost 3 hours from Chico. Yes, it was a long time ago. Yes, I need to move on.

But things have changed. The world is much less personal. People don't talk to each other any more. I've written about this before, a few times, but I still can't get used to it. I'm not used to my daughter sitting right by me doing her homework, not using the phone or the computer. Of course I am not staring at her, but she is quiet. Next thing I know, she says she just got invited to spend the night at someone's house. How is that I ask...and I find she has this discarded phone a friend gave her that she can receive and send text messages on. The kids nowadays don't need to talk to each other. She got asked for a date at the Military Ball, which she is already attending because she is in JROTC, but she got asked to be someone's date by not actually even speaking to the person. And the rest of the details I'll just leave out.

So, now apparently the school employees are just as uncommunicative. First, I just want to know, WHO in their right mind would attend Kapaa High School for 4 years, or 6 years when my older daughter went there and the Middle and High School were on the same campus; would go there all that time, then get a job working in the office there? A disgruntled student? Maybe? So they could then yell at parents? Gosh, my most recent call there, I got yelled at because I couldn't get out of my mouth within 60 seconds WHY I was calling.

Are you a bitch with a High School Education? Take the test, go in and bat your lashes - or whatever else you have - tell Youn you are on the list and start your job. Now you get to yell not only at all the underclassmen but the parents as well.

When my older daughter was in school, if I had a difficult day, oh, like when I didn't know where she was, other than NOT at school, I would call my mother. She would get my mind of it. Its too bad my older daughter doesn't live here still. She wouldn't miss her sister so much. In fact, I would make sure of it. I'd let her have her sister for a whole week. Since she is closer in age, maybe she could relate to her better. I'm trying, but maybe she would have a good response when being told YOU ANNOY THE CRAP OUT OF ME.

Or maybe she wouldn't get told that. She probably wouldn't ask a question in a stupid way, or for sure she wouldn't ask it more than once.

I'll remember you too clearly
But I'll survive another day
Conversations to share
When there's no one there
I'll imagine what you'd say

I'll see you in another life now, baby
I'll free you in my dreams
But when I reach across the galaxy
I will miss your company

Rickie Lee

OK, the CD... Well, its 57 MG needs to be compressed. So, its going to take longer. I got to figure out how to do that. Maybe I'll just mail the CD)

The Ballad of Gilligan's Island

2010-01-21T11:08:00.011-10:00

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port
Aboard this tiny ship.

ITS COOOOOOLD !!!!! Its 11:15 am in paradise here and it is 67 DEGREES. I have more clothes on than Heidi. I have my daughter's slouchy hat pulled down over my ears and to my eyebrows. I have a silk velvet scarf, I have a cashmere tank top, a double thick cashmere sweater over that, a sweatshirt over that, leg warmers on my ankles and my arms and fleece pants on under a long skirt. I AM COLD! Please don't press the comment button and tell me that you would love to be here, cause unless you usually live OUTSIDE in Wisconsin, you would probably be cold here too. Right now in side my house, the lowest little globe inside the floating phallic temperature thing, sitting on the bottom, no actually laying sideways on the bottom is 66 degrees, so it is colder than that. And it is raining and the wind is gusting. My cats have assumed the Sphinx position with their legs pulled way in and then putting their paws over their ears!

OK, first, for those waiting, I got the KKCR interview last night. My husband took it with him today and if he has the time, he will put in on his computer and then email the file. **NO, the file is 57 MB and too big to send via email. Possibly I can burn copies and mail them. I have no idea why the file is so big.

Now, about yesterday. About this same time, Wednesday, I was editing something on line when I lost my Internet connect. Now, that in and of itself is nothing unusual. It has auto redial so it started doing that. After 20 tries it stopped. So, I figured there was some problem at the ISP, stuff like that happens here. I mean, this not just the regular U.S. A. We don't have the "A" part. We're not connected to the grid, so to speak. So, going off line on the computer is just the same as, oh, say, the power going off on Martin Luther King Day for a 1/2 hour on a clear day with no rain or wind. Its just another ordinary thing here. Although, I do have to say that KIUC is notorious for the power going off on holidays and weekends. But, it wasn't the electricity this time.

Since I couldn't do work on line, I went and did the dishes, combed the white cat, and looked at the pile of Christmas stuff that I still needed to find a place for. Then I double checked again to see that my ISP was still not working. So, I decided to call the support line. Well, it was busy, a real fast busy. I dialed the Oahu number and it had a voice saying it wasn't working and try again later. Since I had only been using the computer, I just assumed it was the ISP and it would be back up shortly. So, again, I did something else for a while. Then at about 1 pm here I decided to call my father in CA. Well, that call didn't go through. So, then I tried my father's office phone number and that didn't go through either, all I got was a fast busy signal. So then I decided to try to call someone else, like the PHONE COMPANY, Hawaiian Telcom, and their number didn't work. It was making that creepy beep BEEP BEEP sound. So, then I called the toll free number for them and it did the same. I tried 611 and nothing happened. So, I thought, well, I'll call 911 and if they answer I will say that I was sorry that I got on the wrong row of keys. If you look at your phone, its like an adding machine, and you could actually make a mistake and hit the wrong row and be off by 3 numbers. So, I dialed 911 and it didn't work either. Just a fast busy signal.

Then I did actually start to get a little worried. I don't really know how to work the radio, but I figured it out fast enough and put on the 93.5 that is our emergency information station. Within a few minutes I did find out that whatever idiot company is widening the Wailua bridge, cut a fiber cable and knocked us all out of service. They had some PR person from Hawaiian Telcom named Ann Nishida saying that it did happened about 12:30 and they were in route to fix the problem. She told us a bunch of USELESS information, in a TOO CALM Cowboy Junkie sounding voice. She said that currently people in Wailua, Kapaa, Kilauea, Hanalei and all the North Shore and parts of Lihue were experiencing (what a word! like it was some kind of ride or some absurd thing) an interruption in service. She said that we would get a dial tone but that we would not be able to call out of our prefix. And that was all she said. No information on what to do if we had an emergency or anything else.

Fact be known, she did not tell us that ALL the businesses along the Kapaa corridor could not take any type of electronic payment. She didn't tell us what to do if we needed emergency services. I have since that time, gotten the number of my local fire station, which is in my same prefix. But, if you look in the phone book, all the county and state services have the same 241 prefix, which is not mine, in fact it belongs only to the government. This place is a mess! For those of you who have been here, they are widening that dumb bridge, the one that makes no sense, down there by the Coco Palms, the bypass bridge that is there to help with the congestion there at the stop light by the Coco Palms which is 3 lanes. Why they are widening it is a total mystery to me. First off, if you build a road along the ocean, WHERE are you going to widen it? Second, why do we need a double left turn lane onto a single lane road, which then has a left turn to the boat ramp within one car length from the intersection, already causing numerous rear end collisions.

So, yesterday morning as I was freezing, with more clothes on than a Korean orphan arriving on the adoption plane, I stood there while nothing worked and wondered to myself had I been here too long.

So this is the tale of the castaways,
They're here for a long, long time,
They'll have to make the best of things,
It's an uphill climb.

The first mate and the Skipper too,
Will do their very best,
To make the others comfortable,
In the tropic island nest.

No phone, no lights no motor cars,
Not a single luxury,
Like Robinson Crusoe,
As primitive as can be.

Wyle/Schwartz

And the stupid quote of the day goes to KONG radio for saying I KNOW THOSE OF YOU WITH CELL PHONE SERVICE ARE SUFFERING

Suffering? Uh..have you watched the news at all in the last week?

Fools

2010-01-18T14:16:00.005-10:00

Saturday night I watched some documentary type DVD with my husband about Muhammad Ali I think called Facing Ali.

It was really quite good and held my attention, unlike the Woody Allen movie my husband brought home the night before. I fell asleep on that one before the opening credits were gone. But the Ali movie kept my attention. Then when it was over it was just a half hour until SNL. Well, of course, I fell asleep and woke up during Weekend Update and lazily watched the end of the show. Then I got ready for bed, took my meds and came into check my email. It had been a busy day, my daughter was on KKCR Public Radio for an hour interview and live singing with her band mate. She then used the computer in the evening while we were watching the movie. So, I wanted to check to see if there was any response from my older daughter or other friends I had told about listening to the radio program streaming live on the world wide web.

So, let me just say that now, a full 36 hours later, I am just recovering from THAT. And I can't possibly write out here all what happened, other than to say that at about 1 am Sunday morning I found a virus on my computer. I couldn't figure out why it was so slow and why it blocked me from my blog, or any secure site. I went to my daughter's user to see what I knew was a fake icon on the bottom in the systray thing that said to click on it and a bubble that kept popping up there saying to click on that, and also one that popped up on the screen. It also evaporated my daughter's wallpaper. So, AFTER I ran all the virus scans, I rebooted and it said the computer had Win32 NetSky virus. But no help about it. I looked it up on line, found many people with the same symptoms all screaming for help. I kept looking around and I finally found directions for a MANUAL REMOVAL of it by finding the registry keys.

And while everyone else slept, I got more strong coffee - I even added some rich dark chocolate - and sat down here for the duration. I was done at 8:45 am. I almost threw up! After that I went out to the living room where my husband was up doing his exercises. I laid down on the couch and asked for just a cup of tea and a half manapua and to let me just lay there. I didn't move other than to turn down the volume on the television. And I only had that on because I wanted to watch the men's U.S. Figure Skating finals at 11:30. My husband and daughter went to church and I just dozed off and on until the skating came on and I watched that, then as soon as it was over I just passed out and there I was like that all day long, waking up only to drink some water and have more tea.

I woke up about 5 pm in time for my husband to leave to do a benefit gig for a sick friend. I watched about 1/3 of Julia and Julie then started to watch the Golden Globes, but couldn't stay awake. My daughter was home and came out a few times to say sarcastic things to me. I don't know where that virus came from. I suspect it got on here when my daughter was using the computer. I don't know how damaging it was, but I do know that I, myself, ME, got rid of it. I know that no one else in this house would have even attempted it. So, I fixed my own computer. I'm not blaming anyone for the virus getting on here. I am glad that no one clicked on the fake alerts, that part probably helped. I think that is what really messed up my father's computer, that he clicked on it. And by the way, I am not blaming my father for it, as I didn't talk to him, nor email him, so I didn't call and yell at him. Actually, I'm kinda pretty worried about him. He has been sick for a week now. He has had a fever of 101 for a few days and was even having dry heaves, which can't be easy for someone who has to have a brace on his leg to move around and only the use of one arm. I'm sure that is why he is so grumpy.

Fools knockin' on my door, calling out my name
Tellin' me to change my ways but I know
Two hands in the fire won't put out the flame
Yeah, I got your number, I know your game

So why should I lay it on the line?
Everybody's got a vision, everybody's got a plan
You tell me lies, you look me in the eyes
But honey I would rather stand out in the rain

Fools lying in my bed, laughin' in my head
Telling me my dream's gone cold but I know
One city of angels, it ain't goin' put out my flame
Ooh, my love is a fire, no one can tame

So why should I lay it on the line?
Everybody's got a vision, everybody's got a plan
You tell me lies, you look me in the eyes
But honey I would rather stand out in the rain

Why should I lay it on the line?
Well, everybody's got a vision, everybody's got a plan
You tell me lies, you look me in the eyes
But honey I would rather stand out in the rain

Singer Songwriter - Diane Birch

Forgiveness

2010-01-14T12:26:00.008-10:00

So last night at the end of American Idol my daughter comes running out rather alarmed and asks me if I had listened to the answering machine that Grampa was yelling and swearing at me. I told her I hadn't checked it since dinner, and went and listened. So, he addressed me directly and says God Dammit what did you say to those McAfee people, they gave me a computer virus and nothing works, dammit.

I said I don't know what he is talking about, and called him, even though it was 11 pm there. He said that I must have really pissed off the people at McAfee because they gave his computer a virus and he clicked to fix it and dozens of porno sites popped up. I said DAD, I didn't cause that. Dad, take a second and think about this. YOU have clicked into a hoax that now gave you Malware.

He proceeded to tell me that just the other day I told him that I was pissed off at McAfee and had to talk to them for 2 hours and I must have really made them mad. I tried to explain to him that in fact it was not that big of a deal, that McAfee had auto renewed and charged me for my anti-virus over a month early and it took me over an hour on their "help chat" to get it cleared up. I also told him that they couldn't have been all that mad because they gave me a 50% discount and a 3 month extension. He insisted I had pissed someone off.

I then tried another approach. I asked if he had tried to fix it. He said NO that every time he touched it more porno sites popped up. I said to push in the button on the modem until it went off. He said he didn't want to because he needed the Wifi for the TV and the Radio and Phone, etc. I said - Well, where is Will, call him, after all he put all that anti virus stuff on there. He said Will was gone until next week. I said to him that I already don't send him any email, and there was no way in hell that anyone from McAfee was going to look up my name to find another person maybe related to me, with the same initials - not to mention 24 years older than me, living in another state, in a city I have never lived in, and then somehow figure out that person's ISP address and mess with their computer. I told him they already HAVE all the information for MY computer, if they wanted to mess with someone, but it was absurd.

He wasn't convinced, still saying he never had that problem before. I said that is because every day there are people out there that are trying to hijack computers and inventing new ways to get you to CLICK on it, just like he did. I was still wrong. I'm always wrong. I don't know why. Just because he pays my phone bill, has nothing to do with it. He pays my brother's water bill in another town - would that make HIS water company turn off his water?

I told him to try to get in touch with The Golden Child who has remote access to the computer and have him fix it. But The Golden Child is on vacation. Oh, excuse me. I live THREE THOUSAND miles away, what can I do? I could fix it if I was there, but I'm not. So? What, just yell at me, swear on my answering machine.

I'm sorry. There, does that help?

Hallelujah, I got water, I got air
The chains that once held me, now aren't there
'Cause honey my heart has let you go, oh yes

Hallelujah, I got flowers in my hair
When I crossed the border there were angels waiting there
They took me down to the river of forgiveness and washed me clean

I picked the sorry's up
I put the worries down
Your love, no it ain't worth cursin'
Your heart, it ain't worth hurtin'

Hallelujah, you're a sinner, you're a saint
You built me up to break, turned my lovin' into hate
But honey when you left me in the darkness I saw the light

I picked the sorry's up
I put the worries down
You're love, no it just ain't worth cursin'
You're heart, you're heart just ain't worth hurtin'

Songwriter ~ Diane Birch

UPDATE: This afternoon I talked to my father on the phone and asked him if he got it fixed yet and he said no. I asked him why he didn't call Will and leave a message. He said, I'm not gonna do that - like when I spent all that time getting to Utah and checked in at the desk and the clerk hands me a note from my wife saying the refrigerator broke. Uh, umm...okay. Then he said he thought maybe it had something to do with the fact that Will had a way of looking at his competitor's email. (uhh, would that be like HACKING?). Oh well, The Golden Child never does anything wrong.

Motherland

2010-01-13T14:12:00.004-10:00

I HATE earthquakes. I remember being out side on the cement in the back yard in Willow Glen one day when I was little, real little. I had a friend that lived across the street, but I wasn't allowed to cross it by myself, so I just stood there looking at her house. I remember all of a sudden things started shaking around me, the sidewalk in front of me buckled up. My mother came running out the front door and around the side to the back screaming for me and picked me up and ran back inside.

To torture me further, later that day I was put in the car and driven around the area so I could see chimney's that had fallen down and fronts of houses that had fallen off. After that I think I woke up every night and wanted my mother to come in my room which really didn't work out so good as my little baby brother was in a crib in the same room. I'd end up in my mother's room in her bed and my poor dad had to get into my little bed. Like I said, I hate earthquakes.

I endured more of them, living in the same town many years, then moved to Chico where they also have earthquakes. At least there, they didn't seem to shake as much. Eventually I moved back to Santa Cruz where earthquakes were things I thought about when I went into buildings or walked along East Cliff Drive.

I got to the point that I really couldn't stand the way I felt about earthquakes and decided to move to this island where there are no earthquake faults under it. I set a plan in motion to move within a year, but by April of 1989 I could feel such a strange pull and such irritation and agitation that I had to get going soon. It felt urgent that I get to Hawaii before fall. I decided to leave on the last day of my daughter's school. So, June 4th, 1989 I arrived on this island for good.

Things went well, I settled down, the agitation I felt went away and I think it was the first time in my life I didn't need an emergency stash of Valium. I got a waitress job at the Shell House and life was good - I even forgot about the earthquakes. Then, 4 months later on Tuesday, October 17, 1989 at about 2:30 Hawaiian Standard Time I was getting ready to leave the house to be at work at 3 pm. The phone rang, and I heard my mother say We're all ok and then I lost the connection. I left for work and turned on the TV at the restaurant to see what was going on in California. So, I had known all along that Loma Prieta earthquake was coming. What a creepy feeling.

Where in the hell can you go far from the things that you know
Far from the sprawl of concrete that keeps crawling its way about 1,000 miles a day?
Take one last look behind, commit this to memory and mind.
Don't miss this wasteland, this terrible place.
When you leave keep your heart off your sleeve.

Motherland cradle me, close my eyes, lullaby me to sleep.
Keep me safe, lie with me, stay beside me don't go.
Don't you go.
Oh, my five & dime queen tell me what have you seen?
The lust and the avarice, the bottomless, cavernous greed, is that what you see?

Oh Motherland cradle me, close my eyes, lullaby me to sleep.
Keep me safe, lie with me, stay beside me don't go.
It's your happiness I want most of all and for that I'd do anything at all, oh mercy me!
If you want the best of it or the most of all, if there's anything I can do at all.

Oh Motherland cradle me, close my eyes, lullaby me to sleep.
Keep me safe, lie with me, stay beside me don't go, don't go.
Motherland cradle me, close my eyes, lullaby me to sleep.
Keep me safe, lie with me, stay beside me don't go.
Don't go.

Natalie Merchant

Sickening

2010-01-11T04:04:00.005-10:00

I just sent out a copy of this music file to you Heather, and one other person.

Your sister just recorded it yesterday. I hope you can listen to it, its pretty impressive. She and the other person in this photo have pretty much put to bed the previous generation...eg: Bartales and Jams, aka Tripple Threat.

(Actually, it wasn't sent from my email, but you should have it by now.)

Let me know what you think of it.

Music and Lyrics - Copyright pending

Company

2010-01-09T14:05:00.006-10:00

I got a few new CD's for Christmas. Well, actually they were for the whole family, but all but one are additions to the Man Haters Club - a name made up by a man I knew before I met my husband (and have no idea nor do I care, where he is now. He never liked my music anyhow, just one of the things about him that didn't click and gawd don't let me go on any further about him) So, I have been listening to them, I like to play them about 3 or 4 times in a row straight through.

So, I was listening to Rickie Lee Jones Balm In Gilead last night, its real good. Its got EmmyLou, uncredited, and Ben Harper and just a whole bunch of real good stuff. I like it almost as much as I like her self-titled album, which I totally love. I had to get two pairs of glasses out to read the lyrics because I couldn't understand what she was singing on many of the songs. Then I realized, that seemed to be a pattern of mine from way back.

I mean, starting with Maryanne Faithful. We could just barely understand her. Then Stevie Nicks, not only do her lyric phrases not synchronize rhythmically with the music, you can't understand her either. Luckily Stevie has not done anything new and I'm still listening to Bella Donna.

Then there is my all time favorite Natalie Merchant. Can ANYONE understand her? She is another famous for her non synchronizing lyric verses rhythm phrases. It is only when you read the lyrics and see the genius of them that you can remember the words and how they actually do flow just fine. Most recently I have Corrine Baily Rae who mumbles with a cockney accent. I just pre-ordered her new CD. In the meantime, I'll finish listening to the rest of the club.

Now, before I go, I must tell you that last night, around dinner time, my husband opened the cupboard and was getting out some bowls from the bottom shelf when one of my glasses from Wedding Set of dishes just seemed to jump off the top shelf and crash to the floor. I knew from the sound of it that it wasn't a cheap Hilo Hattie free with purchase mug. I just waited and pretty soon my husband told me with much regret that yes it was one of the unreplaceable - I knew that should be irreplaceable, but that doesn't fit the story right - glasses my mother gave me when we got married. It is now the only piece missing from that long ago discontinued set.

We use this dinnerware infrequently. Usually for our anniversary and for Christmas. But we didn't use them for Christmas this year - we just had pupu snacks all day on the cheap plates. So, maybe my mother wasn't all that happy about that. Who knows......

I love this song ~

I'll remember you too clearly
But I'll survive another day
Conversations to share
When there's no one there
I'll imagine what you'd say

I'll see you in another life now, baby
I'll free you in my dreams
But when I reach across the galaxy
I will miss your company

Company
I'll be looking for company
Look and listen
Through the years
Someday you may hear me
Still crying for company

So now you're going off to live your life
You say we'll meet each other now and then
But we'll never be the same
And I know I'll never have this chance again
No, not like you

So, I'll see you in another life now baby,
I'll free you in my dreams
But when I reach across the galaxy - and I will someday
I will miss your company

Company
I'll be looking for company
Look and listen
Through the years
Someday you may hear me
Still crying for company

Songwriter - Rickie Lee Jones

For Everyman

2010-01-07T10:31:00.009-10:00

I heard the mail lady screech to a stop and slam my mailbox shut and buzz off on down the road. Well, sometimes I just as soon not get the mail. But a couple of coconuts had just fallen and hit the garage door so I figured they had rolled down the driveway so I better go out there anyhow.

Miscellaneous so called credit card Account Information labeled envelopes and a reminder for my daughter to get her retainer checked. By the way the former is a newly disguised way of sending spam from your current credit card company. I have my name and address blocked from advertising for everyone else, but I can't block it from the company that I have an open account, well, I have ADVERTISING from them blocked, so now they send the same shit calling it account information.

So, as I'm walking back to the house, and I live in a house on a road. I don't live on a farm, or in a barn. I had to run back inside and grab my camera - lucky I had just charged the battery. This lady here seemed to be looking for something, and seemed to be at the verge of being frantic. I took both these in ZOOM so I wouldn't scare her and also so she wouldn't attack me.

So here you can see she did find everyone and headed off behind the house next door.

Apparently now not only do we have wild chickens and wild peacocks and wild boar, plus numerous other rodents and crawly things, like lizards, geckos and flying cockroaches, now we have wild ducks and ducklings. At least, so far, they are cute.

Why is this song here? Well, I was listening to it at the time this all happened. You may know, but I think I know 2 people that do, and only one might read this, Jackson wrote this for David Crosby in response to his song Wooden Ships, and Crosby sings harmony on this!

Everybody I talk to is ready to leave
With the light of the morning
They've seen the end coming down long enough to believe
That they've heard their last warning
Standing alone
Each has his own ticket in his hand
And as the evening descends
I sit thinking 'bout Everyman

Seems like I've always been looking for some other place
To get it together
Where with a few of my friends I could give up the race
And maybe find something better
But all my fine dreams
Well thought out schemes to gain the motherland
Have all eventually come down to waiting for Everyman

Waiting here for Everyman--
Make it on your own if you think you can
If you see somewhere to go I understand
Waiting here for Everyman--
Don't ask me if he'll show -- baby I don't know

Make it on your own if you think you can
Somewhere later on you'll have to take a stand
Then you're going to need a hand

Everybody's just waiting to hear from the one
Who can give them the answers
And lead them back to that place in the warmth of the sun
Where sweet childhood still dances
Who'll come along
And hold out that strong and gentle father's hand?
Long ago I heard someone say something 'bout Everyman

Waiting here for Everyman--
Make it on your own if you think you can
If you see somewhere to go I understand

I'm not trying to tell you that I've seen the plan
Turn and walk away if you think I am--
But don't think too badly of one who's left holding sand
He's just another dreamer, dreaming 'bout Everyman

Lyrics - Jackson Browne

NOTE
I would have written about the Sea Shepherd but I just heard about it and want to get more information. Sure looks hostile on the part of the Japanese whaling fleet.

Mirror Mirror

2010-01-05T14:09:00.005-10:00

I'm trying to do my taxes, figure them out sorta get an idea so that I'm all ready when those W-2's arrive. I am not going to pay someone to do them, nor am I going to file on my - or anyone else's - computer. After opening about 6 browsers for all the different charts and calculators, my CD player started to slow down, or maybe it was me, and I decided to take a break.

I'm chasing the rainbows end
I'm fighting the weatherman
No sun through my window and no
No love from my uncle Sam

So, I put on a different skirt and top.......different glasses, and this is where my hair ends up after about 15 minutes of THINKING.....

Mirror, mirror, is it me or you that's lying?
Mirror, mirror, is it me or you that's crying?
I don't know, I don't know

Driving the long, long road to you
No it ain't easy
The wheels are turning round and round
But I'm at the beginning

You know I try
But I can't hold my head up high

Mirror, mirror, is it me or you that's lying?
Mirror, mirror, is it me or you that's crying?
I don't know, oh I don't know

'Cause baby I ain't gettin' wiser
Tryin' to find that old road to yesterday
Don't you know I'm only getting older?
Watchin' every moment blowin' like a feather in the wind

Mirror, mirror, is it me or you that's lying?
Mirror, mirror, is it me or you that's crying?
I don't know, oh I don't know, I don't know

Oh no, I don't know, oh no, no, no I don't know
No I don't know, I don't know, no I don't know
No I don't know

Music and Lyrics - Diane Birch (love her!)

The Birds Of St Marks

2010-01-04T15:21:00.009-10:00

Oh how sadly sound the songs the queen must sing of dying
A prisoner upon her throne the melancholy sighing
If she could see her mirror now
She would be free of those who bow and
Scrape the ground beneath her feet

I was looking in the mirror, but I have no idea WHO that was looking back at me. I need a new look - I suppose. I need one of those surprise make-over teams from Oscar Blandi to show up at my door. Although I am not one for matchy/matchy clothes, or trendy clothes, or hair styles that just DO NOT WORK IN HAWAII (so that would be ANY thing requiring a blow dryer, flat iron, hot rollers - do they still make those?).

Its a new year, I do not have any resolutions. Its just 4 days since it was last year. I sold something today, what a surprise, must put something else up for sale. I cleaned out my computer with what looks like cat fur - I could put trim on the cuffs and hood of a coat, well, if I owned one. Then I had to test the floppy drive - YES, I have a floppy drive. And the CD player. I was just starting up Jackson Browne when the phone rang. I really wasn't expecting a call, but its still break and my husband and daughter are out, so I answered. It was some Japanese lady, Helen, from the Department of Health who just launched into a survey. I really didn't want to participate, but she insisted that it would help the people of Hawaii.

Well, HELEN, you are INSENSITIVE. I told you after about two questions, when you asked if in the last month I felt like I had disappointed anyone, let someone down, or been a failure, that my mother just died and other than that life was fine. HELEN from 1-888-502-7377, I TOLD you I was not abused as a child, I told you no one smoked, I told you I wore my seat belt, I told you I didn't drink, I told you I had a pap smear, and I told you MY mother died. You didn't even say sorry.

Silently she walks among her dying midnight roses
Watches as each moment goes that never really know us
And so it seems she doesn't care
If she has dreams of no one there
Within the shadows of her room

But all my frozen words agree, and say it's time to
Call back, all the birds I sent to
Fly behind her castle walls, and I'm
Weary of the nights I've seen
Inside these empty halls

Wooden lady turn and turn among my weary secrets
And wave within the hours past and other empty pockets
Maybe we've found what we have lost
When we've unwound so many crossed entangling
Misunderstandings; but

All my frozen words agree and say it's time to
Call back all the birds I sent to
Fly behind her castle walls, and I'm
Weary of the nights I've seen
Inside these empty walls

Songwriter - Jackson Browne

Who's that lady

2009-12-29T17:24:00.009-10:00

Who's that lady (who's that lady)

Beautiful lady (who's that lady)

Lovely lady (who's that lady)

Real fine lady (who's that lady)
Hear me callin' out to you
'Cause it's all that I can do
Your eyes tell me to pursue
But you say look yeah, but don't touch, baby

nah, nah, nah don't touch

Isley Brothers

Wintersong

2009-12-25T00:14:00.008-10:00

The lake is frozen over
The trees are white with snow
And all around reminders of you
Are everywhere I go

It's late and morning's in no hurry
But sleep won't set me free
I lie awake and try to recall
How your body felt beside me

When silence gets too hard to handle
And the night too long

And this is how I see you
In the snow on Christmas morning
Love and happiness surround you
As you throw your arms up to the sky
I keep this moment by and by

Oh how I miss you now, my love
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas, my love

A sense of joy fills the air
And I daydream and I stare
Above the tree and I see
Your star up there

And this is how I see you
In the snow on Christmas morning
Love and happiness surround you
As you throw your arms up to the sky
I keep this moment by and by

Lyrics - Sarah McLachlan

Noon Christmas Day:

I opened Heather's package first. I probably should have waited, cause it took my breath away. I guess I haven't lost my TOUCH. It was as I had seen a flash of two weeks prior when it arrived. Here is the whole photo of me with my mother behind me and my grandmothers on each side.

I can't figure out just exactly when this was, other than that it was after my son was born, see I am not wearing any earrings, he pulled on them when he was a baby, and also judging by the length of my hair, and all that eye make-up it was most likely 1971. (Thinking I should change my hair style, its still the same...)

We took a little break so my husband could finish making the sweet potato pies. Yum!

Then my daughter was eager to open her presents and we were just about to start when we heard a little commotion on the lanai. The front porch cat brought us a BIG Christmas Present. Yuk!

Oh, and here is one of the pictures I found yesterday. I don't know where this is, I wonder if my older daughter knows where this is, cause it doesn't look like here. Maybe its near Gramma and Grampa's?

Chest NUTS Roasting On An Open Fire

2009-12-24T16:02:00.007-10:00

JENN just called. That NUT job from Calvary Chapel in the tent on the bypass road in the former canefield.

This is the only Christmas song I could find fast that had NUTS in it. I know it is really called The Christmas Song.

Truly JENN is NUTS. Why on earth did she call me on Christmas Eve? It was about quarter to 4 pm. I was going through some photos of my mother and former Christmas times. My husband was taking a nap and my daughter was playing her ukulele. We were all taking it easy, planning to have dinner in about 2 hours and later on go to the Christmas Eve Candlelight Service at our Church. Everything was peaceful. You know, kind like this:

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When all of a sudden JENN CALLED.

Hi, this is Jenn is what I heard. I said nothing, because I was truly speechless. She said that she wanted to call to make things right from the last time she spoke to me. I told her to just leave us ALL alone and things would be just fine. But NO, she couldn't let it go. She said she had talked to her Youth Guide and he had told her to call me. I told her HE made a MISTAKE. She said she was trying to learn what it was she was doing wrong. I told her she was ANNOYING me - what part of that was NOT CLEAR?

She told me she was just doing her discipleship, and I knew about that, didn't I, she asked. I said JENN, have you gone to college? She said NO. I said JENN, do you have any training as a counselor? She said NO. I told her that she was annoying me to the point that she was driving me crazy and to just leave me and my daughter alone. I told her that she, a 26 year old, was TOO OLD to be FRIENDS with my 14 year old daughter and if she bothered us any more I was going to get a restraining order. That didn't seem to phase her, she just wanted to quote more scripture. I finally just set the phone down and walked away.

Geez...I finally met someone that can out talk me and is MORE ANNOYING!

Merry Christmas JENN, now go spread the Gospel to those who NEED your help. (We are not heathens here in Hawaii anymore, thanks.)

So I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas to you

Mel Torme

Rise Up

2009-12-22T03:15:00.006-10:00

Reminder - This is a story. Any references to historical - or hysterical - events to real people, living or dead, or nearly dead, or barely living are just a big ole coincidence. They have been given to give a sense of reality - or unreality. Any resemblance to life counterparts is just your lucky day.....

WHY am I awake at 3:15 am (when I started this)? Well, because I woke up and its so cold that by the time I went to the bathroom and waited for the toilet to fill up with water so I could shut it off, I was WIDE AWAKE. And then, that reminded me that I was still unsettled about this chick Jenn, from this praise church that I have never met, who just gave my daughter a Bible.

Now, to be clear, I have no problem with THE BIBLE being given as gift. However, my daughter is a teen, and this was given to her by a 26 year old young (very young) super enthusiastic evangelistic scripture quoting (chapter AND verse number) girl who just got saved. So, my daughter goes to a youth group AS A GUEST with her best friend she has known since birth. It seemed to be a harmless form of Sunday evening fun with other kids her age where we knew she wouldn't be getting in trouble. Well, now this same group of people, in the last week has become just about as annoying as Jehovah Witnesses.

My daughter thought it was nice that the young woman gave her the bible. I decided that I should have a talk with this young woman, since I have never met her, and I feel that a bible is a personal gift. AND, its not like we are lacking for Bibles around this house. We probably have a dozen of them, if I included the ones handed down to both my husband and me by our parents and grandparents, plus my childhood bible, plus the one I borrowed from the church pew, along with all the hymnals, and the one from the Catholic School my daughter attended last year - yep, all same Bible, all same stuff in it.

Last Christmas our close friend bought our daughter a lovely pink bible for Christmas. She called us first and asked if it would be appropriate for her to buy her one and also described it as having helping side notes for teen girls. My daughter really enjoys that bible. She has had no trouble understanding that, and chucked the burgundy textbook looking one from school onto the bookshelf the day school was out last year. The problem I have with someone I don't know, someone who has never taken the time to even call me up to introduce themselves, is she gave my daughter a bible and told her that she loved her. Now, I really don't mind if someone says GOD LOVES YOU, but it makes me feel rather creepy to have a young adult tell my daughter that she loves her.

I know this young woman is super enthused about just being SAVED two years ago. I called her up and introduced myself and told her I was the mother and she asked me my name and I gave her my first and last name, and she called me, hey gal, what's up?. Now, I'm sorry, but between my husband and I we have 5 kids that are ALL older than her, and I frankly started getting annoyed at being called by girl or gal and told her, so she switched to calling me by my first name, with the next thing out of her mouth being the chapter and number of a Bible verse that she then quoted, rather disrespectful. And I did gently try to tell her that she was coming on way too strong. She asked me when I was SAVED and I told her when I was baptised as an infant. She didn't get this concept and I said I didn't have time to explain it all because it was a lifetime of living my faith, that I never had to GET SAVED because I was brought up with faith and I never doubted it. I also explained that my husband was brought up the same way and we brought our daughter up that way as well. So, there was always a feeling of something greater than me (or us) guiding our lives, and that was how we lived. And that we lived our lives through example, such as deeds, otherwise known as letting your light shine.

Quoting MORE scripture she told me that she was just doing what Jesus commanded her to do and that she had no control over what he told her. I finally said to her that the way she was talking was a turn off, actually to the point of being annoying. She then said THANK YOU for pointing that out to me, and told me that she would love to come over for dinner - dinner? And is she going to cook it? - and she wanted to hear my STORY. I don't have a story. What? You want the story of my life? Cause that's gonna take more than DINNER. And I don't have what those Praise folks call testimony that I am going to give to her either.

She asked me to please give her a chance, which I said I would - IF she would STOP quoting scripture. I explained to her that as you get to know the bible more and be comfortable with your salvation, the need to defend yourself by stating exactly where a scripture is located is nothing more than a defense method. Besides, we have several Study Bibles, where if a verse and chapter are needed, one can find it quite quickly. So, since I had only called her at that coffee place she works at to ask her when a good time to call her would be, never intending for her to take her break and talk about Jesus saving her the whole time, she asked if she could keep my phone number in her phone. I told her I suppose if she already had it, then it was already there, but that I wasn't interested in having this conversation again, that I felt I had pretty much explained it quite well - although I don't think she listened. She just waited for her opening to quote another scripture. I told her I don't usually answer my phone, so it didn't much matter if she had my number, but if there were any coffee specials at her shop to let me know. She said that she hoped she could come over soon and I told her not to hold her breath on that one.

So, I am left now with my daughter still wanting to go to the youth service, because they play rock music and she loves to play and sing. But I am not comfortable with this aggressive, very close to JESUS CAMP stuff that they put on there. I don't want my daughter to lose her long time friendship so I am sensitive to that, but that family never wanted to go to Church with us all the years before the father started playing music at that praise church in an former cane field on a bypass road in a tent.

My mama tells me I won't get through the pearly gates
'Cause I ain't sorry for my sins
And all my mistakes
Mama I don't know if I'm goin' up or down,
But I know heaven's gonna be one lonely town
But if it's happiness you want,
That's what you'll get
You gotta rise up, little sister
Turn on the light
Wise up to the stories you've been told
'Cause love don't come in black or white
Whoa no no no, whooo no.

Rise up, little sister
Turn on the light
Wise up to the stories you've been told
Whoaaa yeah
Rise up, little sister
Turn on the light
Wise up to the stories you've been told
'Cause love don't come in black or white
No no, it don't come in black or white
Whooa ooooh

Rise up, open your eyes
Love don't come in black or white
Whoa uh uh, no
Wise up to the stories you've been told
You know, love don't come in black or white
Little sister, you gotta rise up

Words/Music - Diane Burch - CD Bible Belt

Survivor

2009-12-21T16:59:00.004-10:00

RUSSELL should have won Survivor Samoa.

Its true, I emailed a friend a little over a month ago, when Natalie was flying around with her chichis out in that sling back and forth picking up the flags and putting them in the proper hole. BUT, I only said that Natalie COULD win Survivor. I didn't WANT her to win. I wanted Russell to win. Russell played the best game of Survivor ever. He reminded me of a not so cute Rob, of Rob and Amber. Rob outsmarted everyone too, but people didn't like him. So, they gave the million to his soon to be WIFE.

Dumb! This is not a popularity contest. This is WHO played the best game. And clearly RUSSELL played the best game. He played the BEST SURVIVOR GAME EVER. True he got a little cocky with his speech, but cocky speeches have won before. The jury has rewarded people for being the best SNAKE before. This was a jury of cry babies.

These people on this jury, maybe they have too many degrees or something, they THINK too hard. They let their feelings get into it. Now, lets say it was a game of cards. If the other person was DUMB enough to show his hand, would it be RIGHT to tell him you saw his cards? Might be. Like if it was Gramma or something. But if you are playing for a MILLION DOLLARS and the other person makes a dumb mistake and then says Hey, did you see my cards? You say NO, no worries.

There is no YOU HURT MY FEELINGS in Survivor. Get some people who work with their hands and don't think so much next time. This jury sits right up there with the O.J. jury as one of the dumbest EVER.

I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what)
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what)
I'm a survivor (what), I'm gonna make it (what)
I will survive (what),keep on survivin' (what)

I'm wishin' you the best,
pray that you are blessed
Much success, no stress, and lots of happiness
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna blast you on the radio
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna lie on you or your family, yo
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna hate on you in the magazine
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna compromise my christianity
(I'm better than that)
You know I'm not gonna diss you on the internet
('Cause my mama taught me better than that)

I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what)
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what)
I'm a survivor (what), I'm gonna make it (what)
I will survive (what), keep on survivin' (what)

Destiny's Child

Christmas Time is Here

2009-12-19T13:36:00.007-10:00

The mail lady pulled in the driveway and honked. My husband went out and got a package, came in and set it under the tree. Our daughter came out from her cave and asked who it was for. He said it was for the whole family from her sister. She bent down, looked and said IT SAYS PERISHABLE!

And in a matter of seconds it was opened. Gosh, it was mailed just 3 days ago and full to the top with GOLD. That would be biscotti. I got out some baggies and put about 6-7 in each bag. There were about 3 dozen. About 3 were broken, they went in a separate bag, and the crumbs went in a third bag - can't waste those crumbs! I put them all back in the box and my daughter actually cleared off a space on the counter to put them.

THANK YOU HEATHER!

It almost makes up for missing you all year. Almost. I had one of the pieces with some coffee. They taste extra delicious this year!

I also got a Christmas card from my brother. He spelled my name wrong....

Good thing we got that wonderful box of boscotti, or I would really be wondering how my own brother would not know how to spell my name....

Well, there is no snow here, but it is sure cold. I got up about 4 am and it was so cold I looked at the temperature, it was 53 degrees. I know that's not cold if you live some place where you can turn on a heater or put a log on the fire. But we don't have that here. Luckily I put the flannel sheets on the bed just yesterday! So, it was cozy inside. My daughter is going to put the new purple flannel ones I got her on her bed...as soon as she can tunnel her way to the mattress....

Christmas time is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of the year

Sleigh bells in the air
Beauty everywhere
Yuletide by the fireside
And joyful memories there

Christmas time is here
We'll be drawing near
Oh that we could always see
Such spirit through the year

Guaraldi/Mendelson

Christmas in Hawaii

2009-12-14T10:02:00.014-10:00

Christmas in Hawaii is like Christmas everywhere
No, actually, its not - not at all.
How's this?

So here we have a 14 year old, doing what they do real good, sitting in a field of flowers....Anyhow, on Saturday morning we woke up to a chill in the air. I put on my sweat pants, yes, same ones I've had over a decade, not much need for them here. I had a hard time getting into my yoga, it was cold. So, I went and picked out what I was going to wear that night to the annual Family Christmas party of some friends. It was an indoor-outdoor back yard lanai party. So I figured maybe I should wear something with sleeves. I dug into the back of the closet and got out a black ballet neck top and hung it in the window so it wouldn't smell like the back of the closet! Then I did my yoga.

After an hour of taking off my leg warmers, cause I can't have my toes in, so I just pull them down all the way and just the end of my toes stick out; then taking off my sweatshirt, then putting my sweaty hair up on top of my head, I finally looked at the temperature to see it was 80 degrees before 11 am. Hmm, I thought, I had better think up something else to wear to the party. So, found something and got it in the wash and then was going to tumble it for about 5 minutes, max, then hang it so it wouldn't shrink. Then back to some things I had to do in the office. I was writing and my daughter came in to tell me that her bra smelled weird like B.O. I said, oh, great, why don't you wash it and she said that her boobs didn't smell and would I smell it and tell her what it was. Oh SURE, just what I'd love to do. OK, so, I did - geez, what mother's will do - and I told her it was perspiration, or just what she said. Then she wanted to know how that could be because those things don't sweat. I told her to lift up her arms and follow the natural body pattern. She said OH. She wanted to know if she could throw it in with my clothes at which I said an astound NO. I told her to wash it by hand and roll it in a towel and then hang it on the lanai and it would be dry in a couple hours.

Well, what happened, was that she washed it, then took my stuff from the washing machine and put her bra AND my DO NOT SHRINK outfit into the dryer on BAKE. And twenty minutes later she brought in her bra all dry and when I went out to get my stuff from the washer and couldn't find it she told me it was all done in the dryer. I was stuffing my fist in my mouth so I wouldn't yell. I took out my now tiny little outfit and thought to myself, well, I could rewash it, pull on it when it was wet and hang it to dry, but it wouldn't be dry in time for that evening. So, she and I went into my room to find me something else appropriate to wear to a party of about 100 people, adults and kids - even though bringing your kids was optional, they were all there, and all about her age. She was a lot of help. We started with my earrings, I wanted to wear a certain pair of earrings, and the rest had to go with them. I found a white top and purple skirt I wanted to wear, but to her horror, MOM, that shows your nipples! We decided to take a break from that and concentrate on my hair. I thought half up and half down. Because I wanted to show my earrings, and my bangs fall in my face. She suggested I cut my bangs and wear it in a pony tail. Hahaha, funny. Can't have my nipples show, that's not adult, yet I should cut my bangs and put my hair up in a pony tail. We decided on a sorta stylish messy sides up in a tortoise shell clip, and all my too long, per my hairdresser, hair, down my back.

OK, that done, it was a choice between being able to see people close up or far away, changing glasses back and forth all night OR being able to see everything, just not 20/20, maybe sorta like airbrushed. I decided I didn't want to change glasses all night so I got out my contacts and borrowed some of MY eyeshadow from my daughter. Now, back to what was I going to wear. Well, I have a dress, I bought in San Ramon 5 years ago, a black Luna Luz, corset top with tiny buttons down the front and a flowing, Egyptian cotton skirt to the ankles with 4 thigh high slits. It's my WHEN IN DOUBT WEAR THIS OUT dress. Perfect! I looked great, felt great, all was good. We even got there on time, the first person I saw was a woman my age with hair dragging on the floor. And I ended up being in the company of women who over half of them had longer hair than me. So, poo on my hairdresser!

It was a fun party. The Mexican food was great, mostly vegetarian too. Apparently the wine was good, I don't know. As we were sitting on the lanai I looked across the yard and saw what appeared to be a naked woman sitting with her back to me in a chair talking to a bunch of other people. She looked familiar, she looked like the Principal. All of a sudden she stood up, and it was her, oh, and she was wearing a backless dress that had no sleeves and was above the knees. It was real pretty, but sitting in the chair, it was a strange illusion. The White Elephant round of gift grabbing was fun, although we were trying to get rid of our stuff. Alas, we ended up with a ninja backpack, a Grey's Anatomy license plate frame, a 41 cent stamp make your own stamp kit, a ceramic bell shape plate with a tiny knife, Christmas stocking shaped teeny salt and pepper shakers, AND, the most stolen gift of the night, a Starbucks Gift Card.

See? It's genetic.....I think.

Christmas in Hawaii is like Christmas everywhere,
The bells ring out and children shout their greetings on the air.
Christmas in Hawaii is the day when Christ was born,
There is no snow but people go to church on Christmas morn.

Ting, ting tingaling jingle bells ring from a steel guitar.
Ding, dong ding-a-long all the bells ring from near and far.

Christmas in Hawaii when we celebrate His birth
Aloha then, good will to men from every land on earth.

Lyrics - R. Alex Anderson

People Are Crazy (Reprise)

2009-12-09T11:53:00.010-10:00

We put up the Christmas Tree on the Weekend. It was fun, and it looks beautiful. I haven't gotten a photo yet, but I'll get one maybe tonight. I was going to write about that today. That was, until I came in after yoga and saw a message on the machine. It was a personal message from someone close, seems I just missed it.

Anyhow, we have a very old answering machine, and at the end of the personal message is the left overs from that manifesto message from the No Crying in Counseling First Letters of the Alphabet Counselor at Kapaa H.S. who will still remain nameless, less she falls into another crying jag again because I hurt her feelings. I'm sorry, I don't have much, if any sympathy for someone I believe has a Master's Degree who cries because someone said something they don't like. Doesn't that phone have a hang up button? If you don't like it, hang up.

Getting back to this absurd thing - which I must add, I was Done - so done - stick a fork in me, I'm done - with this LAST WEEK. Going back to Nov 18, I needed a note for my daughter to say that she needed to stay out of the sun after 20 minutes. Not that anyone really needed a note, as one posses TWO THINGS needed to be able to figure that out, and you have them with you at all times, RIGHT ON YOUR FACE! Look at her!

So, a few things went amiss. First off, I made the wrong assumption that the counselor would be the one to call about this. Back in the good old days, the counselor did all the student coordinating stuff. My older daughter had a counselor that was really good - although she didn't like her, I did. I think her name was Mrs Delos Reyes. She used to call me at work to let me know my daughter just drove out of the school parking lot during 2nd period with her friends. It was just conscientious of her to let me know. That way, when I saw a car drive by that looked like it had my daughter in it with her surf board, I would know I wasn't imagining it. (It was very hard to get past where I worked - that corner, it was the beach access corner, if you went straight or turned, the restaurant was right there, I could see everything.) So, getting back to this century and this daughter; as soon as I started to talk to this counselor about the sunscreen, she switched to talking about her latest grades, which really is my husband's kuleana (you'll have to look that up). The counselor was very scattered, didn't seem to know what she was doing, other than to tell me that I must have a note because people lie....

So, I said some choice words, which you can find in my post on the 18th of last month and then I hung up. Turns out she went to her boss crying about how mean I was. I was. I was pretty outraged that she would not give my daughter the benefit of the doubt until I could get the note from the doctor's office. And some other things went wrong as well. The Sergeant Major moved off island and a new JROTC teacher took over the class. This apparently caused some confusion with messages left on that phone line. The way the school works is that one has to have a code to get into their voicemail, so that part took a while,then the new teacher Sgt. V. called me and he was nice as can be, said he understood the whole thing, that sure he would give her inspection in the shade if necessary, and that he was there to help. He talked a whole bunch, real fast, with a whole lot of facts, yet he was easy to follow and very pleasant to talk with. That same week, I believe the next day, the doctor's office called me to ask when I was coming in to pick up the note. Apparently someone had put it in the PICK UP basket, instead of the outgoing mail basket, where it set for almost 2 weeks before someone called. So, I had them mail it to me and I was set to have my husband drop off the copies at the H.S.

Then, Ms First Letters of the Alphabet Counselor left a message on my phone, after 3 pm on Monday, saying "This is for Mrs Jones" (now, that's my husband's last name, I have a different name, but the school uses that, so I go along with it, but don't send me a check with that name, I can't cash it). Then she went on to say that she was just returning the call (WHAT CALL?) because the week before she had been in meetings and then it was Furlough Friday and so this was her first chance. She then reference things from the 18th and she was all mixed up, and sarcastic. Then at the end of the message she said If you have any questions YOU CAN HAVE YOUR HUSBAND CALL ME. Oh really? I CAN? Well, I didn't have any questions, but I sure had some comments. And I am not going to put them here because I am DONE with this stupid thing.

She even called my husband to tattle on me. Give me a break. I am way too old for this baby stuff. And my husband, he has a gentle soul, and even though Debbie Lindsey would have had a field day if he had cried to her about anything, he still feels that the teachers/counselors are overloaded. So, have some compassion? Sure. I feel sorry she has to work so hard at the DOE High School. But, one of the things she said in her message was that she waited so long (not that I was at all expecting a call), but she said she couldn't call one day because it was Furlough Friday. Well, My husband went back and worked for 3 hours last night that he didn't get paid for. Maybe this lady wouldn't be so mixed up about what her job is if there were no Furlough Fridays - that is Governor Lingle's mess she made. It is not helping anyone, nor are we getting out of debt. It is hurting the students, and making the teachers and counselors angry and stressed out.

C'est Tout! Finito! Fin! Pau! 10-10...

God is Great
Beer is Good
And people are Crazy

People are Crazy

Blue

2009-12-03T13:01:00.006-10:00

Today is my Mother's birthday. If she had lived another month and 25 days she would have been 81 years old today. Its a little bitter sweet for me. Well, NO it's just plain hard. Oh, I'm not sitting here in a puddle of tears or anything, I just feel like part of me is missing.

You know how people say sometimes that they can feel the presence of a deceased person, well, I don't. In fact, I feel even less of a connection than I had even through all the time she was sick. I have said in the past couple years that very frequently I would walk into a room or get in the car and the clock would say 1:11. We have 6 clocks all with different times, none of them are the right time, most fast, some slow, but none the same, and then the one in the car is even faster, I suppose so that whoever is driving will get to where ever they are late for on time. Anyhow, it happens with ALL the clocks.

I have said that I thought that was my mother, because 3 is her number. She would always say that was her favorite number. When ever we played games or something that had to do with a number, it was easy to figure out that she would pick the 3rd thing or something to do with the number 3. And since I don't think my mother was really in her frail body for maybe a year or longer, it seemed to coincide with when I came upon a clock and it had the time 1:11. I don't wear a watch, by the way. I don't think I have worn one since the Swatch plastic florescent ones went out of fashion. I don't need a watch, nor do I need a clock. If I need to wake up at a certain time, I just tell myself that time before I go to sleep. And as far as work, I have never worked at a place that didn't have a clock on every wall. Gee, at the CHP we had a wall of clocks that told us what time it was all over the world.

For this post, I purposely made sure I was sitting down at the computer before 1:11.

OK...getting off the trail. This was about my Mother. Well, first off, I do have something aqua on which is in the blue family of her favorite color. I mentioned to my husband yesterday that I didn't know how well I would do today. I wrote a post in her Mercury News Guest Book, yesterday, they take about 24 hours to show up, but its not there. I quoted a line in this same song, so that's probably some kind if infringement that's against the rules. Anyways, so my husband wakes me up this morning at 6:30 and tells me that he knows I don't like to check my email in the morning, but to check it when I get up. I decided to go back to sleep, and would have slept quite a while but apparently the tree trimmer who came here last week to see if I wanted to pay $150 to cut the coconuts, also went to everyone else on the block as he started in about 8 am down at the end of the street and by 9 am I had to get up. So, I got dressed and decided to make a nice cup of coffee for myself in my favorite cup before I checked my email. But I couldn't find the cup, so I came in the office here and there I had put it on a shelf (don't ask, I don't know why). It was then that I noticed that my daughter had left her pencil case and all her 15 note cards of her Science Project sitting right on the desk. So, I quickly sent off an email to my husband to see if there was any way of him coming back to get it at lunch, because it was due today. It was then that I noticed there was NO email from my husband. I checked my other email account, checked the junk, trash, misc, etc. I dropped him an email asking if he had sent it, that I didn't get it, then went and made some coffee.

He sent an email back saying that sometimes things don't go the way he wanted them to, he got busy at school and 3 hours later he still didn't have time to send it, but here it was, cut and pasted in the wrong order, but I figured it out. He wanted me to have a nice day today. That part was nice. But I didn't need this:

Find some serenity....you hate to hear, "She's in a better place," etc., but that is one thing your mom has now for sure, that she hadn't had for several years, (if not more...who knows?). I know she had moments, because I've seen photos where it's evident. But for several years, (maybe longer....who knows), we know serenity was one thing that overall, she didn't enjoy.

I'm sure intentions may have been good, but THAT didn't make me feel all serene. Just let it be and I'll get through it. But don't tell me she is in a better place. How do you know? You been there?

I'm sorry, I'm still in the first stage of grief. I moved from numbness and distress to I guess anger. At least I'm moving along. I still miss my Mother.

Mother, you just weren't here long enough. You had one more grandchild that could have used some lessons in which fork to use, or just not to put her feet on the chair when at the dinner table. We all miss you.
I will always love you.

Blue
Oh, so lonesome for you
Why can’t you be blue over me?

Blue
Oh, so lonesome for you
Tears fill my eyes ’till I can’t see

3 o’clock in the morning, here am i
Sitting here so lonely, so lonesome I could cry

My mother just fell in love with Leann Rimes and blasted this through the family room speakers which basically filled that room, the kitchen, the front bedroom, the office and all the rooms in the back of the house!

Back In The High Life Again

2009-11-30T09:49:00.004-10:00

Of Note - This is a story. Any references to historical - or hysterical - events to real people, living or dead, or nearly dead, or barely living are just a big ole coincidence. They have been given to give a sense of reality - or unreality. Any resemblance to life counterparts is just your tough luck.... (particularly if your name is Debbie Lindsay and you are a control freak bitch elementary school principal on a tropical island - sue me, you might just get a judgement against these amethyst cross earrings I'm wearing!)

So, how was my Thanksgiving, you ask? Well, the food was delicious. My husband took great care in cooking a very nice meal. The day itself was a disaster. Oh well, we can't have everything, right?

So, then the next day, Black Friday, at about 1 pm in the afternoon I got a phone call from the Fillipina nurse in my PCP doctor's office. Now, she's real helpful. She tells me that I need to come in to see the doctor sometime next week to discuss my abnormal lab test results from the previous SATURDAY that 12 hours short of a week before I had done. You know me? Then you know this isn't going to fly with me. Friday afternoon and the nurse won't tell me WHAT the results are or why I have to come in. I tell her no, to have the doctor call me and I even said please. So, what tests were these? Well, this might be a long story

Way back in mid February I needed to go to the dermatologist for a growth on my shoulder. I couldn't go without a referral because my private dermatologist is no longer connected to the clinic. So I called for a referral but the nurse told me that I had not been in for a physical for 3 years and without that I could not get a referral. I am going to try to not go into the absurdity of all that here now. I went for the physical and got the referral. I also, though, was given a bunch of blood work that the PCP doctor wanted me to do. It seems about 3 years prior I had gone in and my Cholesterol was 265 and the doctor wanted me to take medication for it. I said no and that I would stop drinking half and half in my coffee and stop eating Brown Cow yogurt, and also was going to be finishing up with the drug I was taking for anxiety that was not a common drug and one side effect was that it attached itself to the fat cells in the body. So, back then I did just that, went back for another fasting blood test and the results were 220 which seemed to be ok with my doctor.

Since that time THEY, and I'm not sure who they are, other than the people who decide what the guidelines for medical stuff is - like the extremely stupid idea that a woman doesn't need a mammogram until 50. I can personally say that is stupid, being I was one who was called back, in my 40's because there was something unusual that had to be watched. Ok, oh its so easy for me to get off on a side trail; anyhow they decided that one's Cholesterol had to be under 200. So, in February I did not immediately go in for the tests. I caught a cold, as it rained until April and was freezing here. I also need to have someone drive me for a fasting blood test because I need to eat before I can think. Then it was summer and I forgot about it. Then school started, I forgot again, my mother died, I forgot everything. I got a bad rash and had to get some icky medication for it, but first had to have a blood test to make sure my liver was healthy. So, it was when I went in for that test that the technician mentioned that I had some other tests that I needed done and I said that as soon as I got done taking the meds I would come in for the other blood work. So that brings us to last Saturday. I went and had the test and then I got the results on Friday.

So, when the doctor called he said that my cholesterol was 325. Well, it wasn't really a surprise, if we go just on STRESS alone. Because my diet is fat free. I do not eat meat, I do not eat french fries, I do not eat junk food, no chips, I don't like candy, soda pop, I don't drink milk. My friends say I eat bird food. Breakfast consists usually of a bowl of fruit and some nuts, with a handful of organic granola and raisins. Occasionally I might actually have oatmeal, you know the old fashioned kind in the box with the old guy on it. I put some nuts and raisins and cinnamon on it. I don't use any condiments on food, I don't use salad dressing. My one guilty pleasure would be a pat of butter on fresh steamed vegies. I really doubt that is making my cholesterol so high.

A good guess would be that I have not been able to do my yoga and get as much exercise as I used to. That combined I guess with my inability to deal with the stress of a few minor things like a month long painful rash around my mouth, a punctured eardrum, and my mother dying in October. I'm not overweight, I'm thin. I don't smoke or drink, and I don't even eat between meals. I remember the doctor asking me if anyone else in my family had high cholesterol. I said, YEP, sure did. My mother did, her mother did and her mother's sister did. He asked me if they were still living. I said, Nope, however, my Grandmother lived to be 89 years old and died from starving herself because she missed my grandfather who was 9 years older than her and had died 7 years prior. I said my aunt had died at 94 years old because her heart stopped beating one night when she was sleeping. And then I said that my mother had just died at 80 years old. He asked what from and I said, well, it wasn't heart disease. That was the ONLY thing my mother had left, a heart. She weighed 70 pounds, had been confined to bed for over a year, had been wasting away since 2003 when she had a shot for nausea at Kaiser in Walnut Creek and she went nuts. I told him that for the last 3 years, when Kaiser wrote my mother off and sent her home to die that she had not taken any cholesterol medication at all, yet she was healthy in her body, just her mind didn't work right. And one afternoon, her mind forgot to tell her heart to beat.

Then I said, just give me the medication, I'll take it and see what happens. He told me that my insurance company covered Simvastatin and I said ok. Well, it was very strange. When I went to pick it up there was no co-pay at all. No wonder doctors want to get everyone on Cholesterol medication, there is some incentive with the insurance company and drug company. Anyhow, we'll see what happens. I see that while it is supposed to lower the cholesterol, it can cause permanent muscle damage. I decided to stop reading the side effects at that point.

So, here I am, I guess, back in the high life, so to speak.

And I'll drink and dance with one hand free
Let the world back into me
And oh I'll be a sight to see
Back in the high life again

We'll be back in the high life again
All the eyes that watched us once will smile and take us in
And we'll drink and dance with one hand free
And have the world so easily
And oh we'll be a sight to see
Back in the high life again

Steve Winwood

Chimes of Freedom

2009-11-26T02:19:00.004-10:00

~ Hau'oli La Ho'omakika'i ~ Happy Thanksgiving

I could write a bunch of stuff about all that we are thankful for, but that would probably lead me to all the stuff that I am pissed off about and not so thankful. So I'll just say that a few hours ago, before midnight, my husband finished up making 2 sweet potato pies for Thanksgiving Day (which it just turned 2 hours ago). And even though my daughter wants me to wake her up for the parade and my husband wants to watch the PaAAACKers on the other TV at 7 am....it is my hope it will still be a peaceful day. I'm going to bed with that thought now, and here's somethings we can be thankful for:

Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll
We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing
As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds
Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing
Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight
Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight
An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night
An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.

In the city's melted furnace, unexpectedly we watched
With faces hidden as the walls were tightening
As the echo of the wedding bells before the blowin' rain
Dissolved into the bells of the lightning
Tolling for the rebel, tolling for the rake
Tolling for the luckless, the abandoned an' forsaked
Tolling for the outcast, burnin' constantly at stake
An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.

Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail
The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder
That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze
Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder
Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind
Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind
An' the poet an the painter far behind his rightful time
An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.

In the wild cathedral evening the rain unraveled tales
For the disrobed faceless forms of no position
Tolling for the tongues with no place to bring their thoughts
All down in taken-for granted situations
Tolling for the deaf an' blind, tolling for the mute
For the mistreated, mateless mother, the mistitled prostitute
For the misdemeanor outlaw, chased an' cheated by pursuit
An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.

Even though a clouds's white curtain in a far-off corner flashed
An' the hypnotic splattered mist was slowly lifting
Electric light still struck like arrows, fired but for the ones
Condemned to drift or else be kept from drifting
Tolling for the searching ones, on their speechless, seeking trail
For the lonesome-hearted lovers with too personal a tale
An' for each unharmfull, gentle soul misplaced inside a jail
An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.

Starry-eyed an' laughing as I recall when we were caught
Trapped by no track of hours for they hanged suspended
As we listened one last time an' we watched with one last look
Spellbound an' swallowed 'til the tolling ended
Tolling for the aching whose wounds cannot be nursed
For the countless confused, accused, misused, strung-out ones an' worse
An' for every hung-up person in the whole wide universe
An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.

Bob Dylan

Prima Dona

2009-11-19T13:27:00.003-10:00

Just because I was totally tired of Nancy Grace telling us what person stuffed which child in the trash lately, I changed the channel last night. And what did I see, well, first off I thought it was a transvestite. Upon closer look I see it was the former VPOTUS candidate. My god, what a bunch of BS came out of that non stop flapping mouth of hers. Oh, and where is my hairdresser? Surely she would have an opinion that her HAIR WAS TOO LONG for her age (not to mention her supposed political status, or now lack there of).

She has a limited vocabulary. She used the word DITHER about a dozen times. I had to go look that up to see if it meant something other than what I thought it did. And nope - no matter if you are using it as a noun or a transitive or intransitive verb, it basically means the same thing - highly nervous, excited or agitated. Was she talking about herself?

Forget the fact that she's a Conservative. There are conservatives that I like. Mary Matalin is one of them. She's smart - something this Prima Dona is not. And it seems Ms. Matalin doesn't think too much of her either. She basically said a lot of what is in the book is a lie. I wouldn't read that book if it was given to me. I definitely wouldn't waste my money on it. Even on Amazon its half price right now. Hmm, I wonder what is going to happen to the reviews once the initial preorder is done - they could all end up back at the distributor. I can't imagine anyone paying full price for it. Its so thick - I don't think I could read that much ME talk. Besides, I am wanting that new release Good-Bye Natalie Good-Bye Splendor, something I could actually dig my teeth into, rather then grinding them together......

No one likes her as much as she likes herself. Maybe she should start a club with Carrie Prejean. Maybe they could have hot cocoa with marshmellows together. Both former beauty queens, both unable to tell the same story twice, both stretching the truth - or just making it up as they go along. Surely this has been the week of dumb beauty queens left unattended.......

Where do we go from here?
This isn't where we intended to be
We had it all
You believed in me, I believed in you
Certainties disappear
What do we do? For our dream to survive?
How do we keep, all our passions alive
As we used to do?

Deep in my heart, I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess, what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away
You must love me
You must love me

- From Evita

In The Army Now

2009-11-18T10:06:00.010-10:00

Kapaa High School, stocked to the brim with a staff dumber than dirt, teachers with chips on their shoulders because of the current furlough situation; and a counseling crew of ME generation age nitwits that may have a degree but certainly not in COMMON SENSE. Since when did smarts trump common sense?

My daughter has JROTC. She likes the class. She likes marching and working out to build strength. She has no complaints about the class. I have one. WHY is it so hard for the Sgt Major to see that a pasty white, blue eyed, blonde haired girl is going to get sunburned if you make her stand in the sun for 20 minutes?

She has almost translucent skin. This is not something we just discovered. I'm not going to post a picture, there are plenty on this blog of my daughter, she's pale. She almost glows she is so light. Her eyelids look like she permanently has purple eye shadow on, her skin is so thin. Her skin does not have the ability to tan. Her entire life she has had to wear long sleeves and big hats when going out in the sun. She can't go to the beach between 10 am and 4 pm, unless she has on a rash guard, gobs of sunscreen, a wide brimmed hat, and gets out of the sun every 10 minutes for a 20 minute break. Does that sound fun? No it sure isn't. And, when some not so smart relatives thought I was being excessive about it when she was little, they left her play in the pool unchecked for a half hour and brought her home blistered from head to toe on Halloween. That wasn't very fun for her. And I have tried to keep her from getting sunburned as best I can ever since.

So, why is it now that I need a DOCTOR'S NOTE for the school to prove that she isn't making it up. Well, FIRST - She didn't say it to anyone. I did. I talked to her counselor. Geez...I have to say, that my older daughter should do that. She is by far smarter than this air head when it comes to communication - and for that matter, probably anything that has to do with composing words because she is and has always been, excellent at it. So the counselor, who will remain nameless at least at this point, because I think I heard that she has some personal problems, so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt for her stupidity; she says to me that they need a note because they have had kids say that they are ALLERGIC TO GRASS and can't do push ups. Well, my daughter has not said anything. All she has done is COME HOME SUNBURNED. I said to the counselor, why not just do a PATCH TEST, you know, like you do if you are going to dye your hair. Why don't you just PUT MY DAUGHTER OUT IN THE SUN FOR 20 MINUTES, and then bring her back in and check her in another 20 minutes to see if I'm telling you the truth.

She tells me its protocol. I asked her what ever happened to common sense. She didn't have an answer. She said she was just telling me the rules. I said to her, gee, she is in 9th grade, and you are going to be her counselor through 12th grade - do you you really want to do this with me for 4 years? This would be a non issue if the counselor just used common sense. Or, is there someone who WANTS their kid to be blistered with sunburn? I can understand that they might want a doctor's note, but in the mean time, until I can get the under staffed, over worked, doctor's office to get the doctor to take some time to write a note - cause I don't think I am going to take my daughter DOWN THERE for the doctor to look at her to see what color her skin is - it should already say that since she has had the same pediatrician and the same color skin since she was born! In the meantime, what's wrong with common sense? My guess - its too easy!

We're in the Army now.
We’re not behind a plow.
We’ll never get rich diggin’ a ditch.
We're in the Army now.

We're in the Army now.
We're in the Army now.
We'll never get rich on the salary which
We get in the army now.

We're marching everywhere.
It's getting in our hair.
We follow the rules
and follow the mules
We're in the Army now.

- unknown (and I don't care)

After The Deluge

2009-11-16T15:10:00.006-10:00

Yes, I know the correct title is BEFORE The Deluge.

But look at this. Do you know what that is? Anyone recognize it? Any one who has been on this island recognize this place?

Look familar? How bout if it didn't have 18" of rain in less than 24 hours?

We have been having electrical storms here that have been like we were under aerial attack. Lightening lighting up the whole house about 1 second before the loudest booms you ever heard. No one can escape it. Even the Catholics are not safe. Shoot, it melted the weather antena (that wasn't grounded, it turns out) at my husband's school, knocked it into the courtyard. Then it continued into the electrical system and fried anything plugged in at the whole school. Computers, tvs, dvd players and the whole internet network. Its all a big mess there.

Here read this article:
http://www.kauaiworld.com/articles/2009/11/16/news/kauai_news/doc4b00ffa6b7687836156796.txt

And, oh yes. Here is what that photo is supposed to look like.

Pretty place most of the time!

Some of them knew pleasure
And some of them knew pain
And for some of them it was only the moment that mattered
And on the brave and crazy wings of youth
They went flying around in the rain
And their feathers, once so fine, grew torn and tattered
And in the end they traded their tired wings
For the resignation that living brings
And exchanged love's bright and fragile glow
For the glitter and the rouge
And in a moment they were swept before the deluge

Now let the music keep our spirits high
And let the buildings keep our children dry
Let creation reveal it's secrets by and by
By and by--
When the light that's lost within us reaches the sky

Some of them were angry
At the way the earth was abused
By the men who learned how to forge her beauty into power
And they struggled to protect her from them
Only to be confused
By the magnitude of the fury in the final hour
And when the sand was gone and the time arrived
In the naked dawn only a few survived
And in attempts to understand a thing so simple and so huge
Believed that they were meant to live after the deluge

Now let the music keep our spirits high
And let the buildings keep our children dry
Let creation reveal it's secrets by and by
By and by--
When the light that's lost within us reaches the sky

Lyrics and Music - Jackson Browne

Drops of Jupiter

2009-11-08T00:34:00.005-10:00

I saw Train on one of the morning shows yesterday, they sang this song. I had it in my head all day and I could feel that something was coming up that maybe it would be some inspiration and I could write.

Well, what came up was a bunch of other stuff, way too much other stuff in fact. And I never got a chance to write.

I took a walk mid afternoon, went way over to the other side of the highway, and it started raining. It felt strange outside. It was hot and humid, no breeze to speak of, and rain falling on my hair.

...I've got a lot of stuff to work on. I sorta feel like I took a trip to the moon. Yeah, I've got a whole bunch to work on. Although all we have really is now. I need to work on my nows I think.

Then it stopped raining and I had drops of rain just sitting on my hair and when I turned back around for home a cool breeze came up in my face. It was beautiful, sad, confusing and uplifting all at the same time.

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the Moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey

Tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it through the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey,hey

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as...
plain ol' Jane told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way?
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day?
And head back toward the Milky Way

Train

I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying

2009-10-27T00:46:00.003-10:00

I have a stack of cards, sympathy cards, I spent most of the day yesterday writing out personal thank you responses to send out. I had a little trouble with the addresses on some, due to the way I opened them, I couldn't read the addresses.

I really was quite surprised that so many people cared. And every one of them had a personal note inside. The notes actually were nicer than the cards. And all the cards are blue - how did they know?

As pretty as the cards are, they have one thing that really drives me nuts about them. They say I'm sorry you lost your mother. That's what is printed on the front by the Greeting Card companies. My mother isn't LOST. She died. Is that a taboo word? When I think of the word lost, I think of my glasses or my car keys or ONE earring. And maybe once or twice I lost my car in the parking lot. But I didn't lose my mother. I've found my glasses, my keys, my other earring and eventually my car. I won't be finding my mother. Not on this earth.

Its just a strange way to say things, of course, that's just my opinion.

Im so happy that I cant stop crying
Im laughing through my tears
Im laughing through my tears

I took a walk alone last night
I looked up at the stars
To try and find an answer in my life
I chose a star for me
I chose a star for him
I chose two stars for my kids and one star for my guy
Something made me smile
Something seemed to ease the pain
Something about the universe and how its all connected

I saw that friend of mine, he said,
you look different somehow
I said, everybodys got to leave the darkness sometime
Im so happy that I cant stop crying
Im laughing through my tears
Im laughing through my tears
Im so happy that I cant stop crying
Im laughing through my tears
Im laughing through my tears

Sting

Put the Law on You

2009-10-23T07:44:00.011-10:00

Thank you Governor Linda Lingle you piece of crap of a leader for our state. Thanks for not paying a damn bit of attention for the last 7 years of your administration. One would think you would, after all you are a Republican. That word has made me get vomit in my mouth for the last 8 months. You, Ms. Lingle are a disgrace to public service. WHAT were you doing all this time? Didn't keep track what you were paying people until this year?

Today is the first State of Hawaii Furlough Day for Public Schools. So, here we are up at the usual time and both my daughter and I looking at each other like WHY are we up so early. That schedule that I set up, for only educational things, well, that's already gone off track. My daughter is doing chores today, a list of stuff a maid would charge probably $60 to do, my daughter is getting $18. Why? Because that's all we have and that's exactly how much she needs to go to the Halloween corn maze and then some benefit tomorrow. You know, we can hardly give money for benefits - we are soon going to need to have a benefit to run the show here.

This makes me sick. I went to town to meet my Aunt and Uncle yesterday. All over town were signs that said Flunk Furlough Fridays. I don't think I'm the only parent fed up with this. And it is only getting worse. Now all state workers are put on two furlough days a month. Well, not the courts. Nope, if you get a traffic ticket, you will still have to go to court on a Friday, but you might have trouble getting other type of minor things signed off because the Motor Vehicles and all the various state and county departments are going to have different days. One is going to need a glossary to figure out if they should drive to town to renew their driver's license, or get a camping permit or apply for FOOD STAMPS......

Governor Lingle you make me SICK. You make me so damn sick, I don't know how you can live with yourself. You must have ice in your veins. So what, you are taking a salary cut too - 5 percent. Gee, you make $117600 that's $5800, gosh, do you think you can live your SINGLE life, your not married, single old woman never seen with a man life on $111,900 a month? I mean, you get to live in a big house and ride around in a car that is paid for. Is THAT ENOUGH MONEY for YOU? If you are so concerned, why don't you DONATE your salary to the State?

Or how bout this. Why don't you get rid of useless employees? Lets start with DANNY HAMADA, that worthless piece of shit. He got so many complaints and lawsuits against him they had to get him off this island, so he got promoted from district superintendent of schools to, some kind of liaison for state superintendent Patricia Hamamoto - another worthless over paid person who basically talks a good line but is useless. She suggests we take our child to the LIBRARY on Furlough Fridays. Uh, hello there Pat, The LIBRARY is part of the STATE Department of EDUCATION, they're CLOSED on Furlough Fridays, you idiot! But lets get back to slimy Mr Hamada. What does he do now other than pose for photo opps? Huh? Dump him and save us a whole bunch of money.

Governor Lingle, you should go to jail for stupidity, inattention, and lack of common sense.

Do I have to put the law on you baby
For all the wicked things you do?
Am I gonna have to put the law on you baby?
That was not what I wanted to do

Do I have to put the law on you baby
To try and make you come out clean for every evil deed?
You're just about the lowest and the dirtiest thing
I've ever seen

Did you really think you could pull it off
The perfect crime, crime of the heart?
Do you really think that you'll get away
Do the crime and never ever pay?

Do I have to put the law out on you baby
Lock you up and throw away the key
For the countless counts of low down double-cross you've been about
Have you no decency?

Natalie Merchant - lyrics & music

Voodoo Chile

2009-10-19T11:12:00.006-10:00

Well, I need a pick me up... duh, I won't even go there! Yesterday I went into my hairdresser to get my color put back into the front and a trim. It was really grown out bad, about 6 months, and while the white part in the front does blend in with the blonde hair on the rest of my head, I just hate that its white and right there in front where I can see it.

So, with the rash around my mouth semi improving - I hope - I got there one minute late and got the lecture Oh, You came! See my Sister Golden Hair post of Friday, March 21, 2008 for more insight on my fab hairdresser and her quirky ways. I tell her that I have to take it slow and she says she's got one hour before I can even tell her that its because of the drug that I'm taking.

Anyhow there I sit with a happy frame of mind, through the rancid smell of some little Japanese lady getting a really strong perm - I guess that Asian hair is hard to curl. I just have her do a partial, just the front and top, which is really not much of a savings dollar wise, its just that I had this rash for a month and it might finally be going away and I don't want that dye all over my head, even if it is a weave - meaning not all the hair, bunch of foils, all that stuff. She takes my glasses off and puts them out of my reach, then hands me a bunch of magazines while I sit there waiting for the color to take. During that time she does that Japanese lady, sitting in the next chair so the smell was real strong. Then its time for the other lady to go sit at the sink and time for mine to be rinsed out.

After that she tells me that I should cut it to just hit my shoulders. I said I just wanted a trim, about 2 inches. She said, OK, that's what you want, that's what you gonna get. She trims it, then blots it dry with a towel then blows it the rest of the way dry and then flat irons it. Just as she is about to finish my husband shows up and she tells him I'm almost done and to have a seat. Then while she is finishing she is lecturing me on how I am too old to have long hair, that it makes me look older to have long hair, that once you go long you never go back - is that how that saying goes? She asks me if I have taken a picture of myself to see how I look with long hair lately, and I say no I haven't because I have this ugly rash on my face, why would I want to take a picture. She asks me if I have looked at pictures of myself when I had my hair short and how cute I looked then. Yes, of COURSE I looked younger when my hair was short, FIVE years ago. And all the while my husband is sitting right there. I bet he was thinking one of two things, either that I might just break down and cry, or maybe slap her. I did neither.

When I was done I got up and paid her the $75 it cost and gave her the change for a tip which was about $5. Then she says the color is good but I look like a witch or a voodoo doll.

Thanks......

Well, Im a voodoo chile
Lord Im a voodoo chile

Well, the night I was born
Lord I swear the moon turned a fire red
The night I was born
I swear the moon turned a fire red
Well my poor mother cried out lord, the gypsy was right!
And I seen her fell down right dead
(have mercy)

Well, mountain lions found me there waitin
And set me on a eagles back
Well, mountain lions found me there,
And set me on a eagles wing
(its the eagles wing, baby, what did I say)
He took me past to the outskirts of infinity,
And when he brought me back,
He gave me a venus witchs ring
Hey!
And he said fly on, fly on
Because Im a voodoo chile, baby, voodoo chile

This is what it looks like...plus 36 years.

Jimi Hendrix

I'll Remember You

2009-10-16T21:14:00.010-10:00

I'll remember you
Long after this endless summer is gone
I'll be lonely, oh so lonely
Living only to remember you

I'll Remember you
Your voice as soft as a warm summer breeze
Your sweet laughter, mornings after, ever after
I'll remember you

To your arms someday, I'll return to stay
Till then I will remember too
Every bright star, we made wishes upon
Love me always, promise always
You'll remember too

To your arms someday, I'll return to stay
Till then I will remember too
Every bright star, we made wishes upon
Love me always, promise always
You'll remember too

I'll remember you
I'll remember you

Lyrics and Music by Kui Lee
Photos of my flowers in my garden by Me.

For A Dancer

2009-10-10T00:35:00.003-10:00

Keep a fire burning in your eye
Pay attention to the open sky
You never know what will be coming down
I dont remember losing track of you
You were always dancing in and out of view
I must have thought youd always be around
Always keeping things real by playing the clown
Now youre nowhere to be found

I dont know what happens when people die
Cant seem to grasp it as hard as I try
Its like a song I can hear playing right in my ear
That I cant sing
I cant help listening
And I cant help feeling stupid standing round
Crying as they ease you down
cause I know that youd rather we were dancing
Dancing our sorrow away
(right on dancing)
No matter what fate chooses to play
(theres nothing you can do about it anyway)

Just do the steps that youve been shown
By everyone youve ever known
Until the dance becomes your very own
No matter how close to yours
Anothers steps have grown
In the end there is one dance youll do alone

Keep a fire for the human race
Let your prayers go drifting into space
You never know what will be coming down
Perhaps a better world is drawing near
And just as easily it could all disappear
Along with whatever meaning you might have found
Dont let the uncertainty turn you around
(the world keeps turning around and around)
Go on and make a joyful sound

Into a dancer you have grown
From a seed somebody else has thrown
Go on ahead and throw some seeds of your own
And somewhere between the time you arrive
And the time you go
May lie a reason you were alive
But youll never know

Jackson Browne

I Know You By Heart

2009-10-09T17:05:00.005-10:00

I'm sad. Expected or not, I am profoundly sad. I am mostly numb. I can't grasp the fact that my mother is gone. I mean everything, her body is gone, and I feel a strange disconnect like the end of my lifeline is dangling. That connection that I always had - the one so close that I could tell what was in the Christmas presents she had wrapped for me before she even took them out of the trunk of the car. I just don't know.

This is from a previous post of Saturday, September 27, 2008.

Midnights in Winter
The glowing fire
Lights up your face in orange and gold.
I see your sweet smile
Shine through the darkness
It's line is etched in my memory.

So I'd know you by heart.

Mornings in April
Sharing our secrets
We'd walk until the morning was gone.
We were like children
Laughing for hours
The joy you gave me lives on and on.

Cause I know you by heart

I still hear your voice
On warm Summer nights
Whispering like the wind.

You left in Autumn
The leaves were turning
I walked down roads of orange and gold.
I saw your sweet smile
I heard your laughter
You're still here beside me every day.

Cause I know you by heart,
Cause I know you by heart.

Lyrics by Diane Scanlon / Eve Nelson